How much time do you and dh have together

[happygirlie18]

So dh and I are having issues and one of the main things is how much time we get together.

As background we both work full time (Dd in nursery 5 days a week) I work mon-fri, dh works shifts so does days and nights.

We usually find ourselves with about 30 minutes at the end of a day together when I'm pretty much exhausted, and dh is either getting ready to start a night shift or tired as well tho he is a really bad sleeper so could be awake til 1am.

We both know it's not enough but it's so hard to find anymore time!

That does sound really difficult and like it could put a strain on your marriage. Could you maybe use your annual leave to make time for a date day once a month or every other month while DD is at nursery, or a date night if you can get a babysitter?

We’re very lucky really as our DD goes to bed at around 18:00 every night and is usually asleep after her books around 19:00 so we have most evenings together. My DH does work away sometimes, for instance he’s away all week next week, but when he isn’t away he works from home and I work from home 2 days a week so we actually get quite a lot of time together, albeit not always quality.

I’m sure someone else will come long shortly who is or has been in the same position and can give you some good advice.

Thank you for the reply.

I recently took 3 days leave from work and we left Dd in nursery for those days. We had 2 together and then on the 3rd day dh was getting ready for nights so he spent the day in bed but I was apparently disturbing him so had to go out. I try and do that most months.

We have limited support so overnight isn't reslly an option plus she doesn't sleep well and the support so I haven't left her overnight yet.

Do you mean child-free grown-up time? Or the amount of time the two of you are both at home, awake at the same time (albeit maybe busy with stuff).

If the only time you get at home with your your husband is 30 minutes and all the rest of the 23.5h you are asleep or in different buildings 7 days a week - that would put a massive strain on my marriage. Not just marriage, family life too. I would mourn never doing anything together as a family group - even if just sat on the sofa together.

Having a lack of child-free time, I think that's just something you get used to as you grow into parenting. DH and I have 4 children, life is busy. No child-free from 7pm nights for us anymore. But we are still coupley and have intimacy (in a decent sort of way) even though we are mostly busy with family life.

DP and I probably have an hour together each evening. We both also work full time. DS is 19 months old so dinner is usually from half 6-7, then we do his nighttime routine. He's hopefully in bed by half 8, then we tidy a bit, then have our hour together. Bed is usually at 10 as we all have to leave the house by 7:15.

We are lucky in that we can usually get one overnight per month. I have a sister, and we have a family friend who loves looking after DS.

Even if it's only half an hour, you've got to make it proper quality time. Turn off the TV and have a proper chat and a cuddle. If this is going to happen long term, then you've got to make the best of it.

In terms of actual alone time we just have about two hours most evenings between when our dd goes to bed and when we do. We spend most weekends as a family though (have traditional 9-5 sort of hours). We used to make an effort to have a dinner out once every two months or so (with a babysitter) and that was really nice for a few hours. We have a new baby now so we pretty much never get any alone time!

Child free? About the same as you, I work late evenings DH works shifts,when he's working I've got the kids when I'm work he has them. We will catch up when one of us finishes work (he gets in around 10pm I get in between 12.30-1.30am). We're always knackered,because to see each other /have any sort of sex life we end up awake til 3am both of us getting up at 7latest. We do get one day time a week to do shopping/chores but always a toddler in tow and I go off to work at 5.30. it's hard, but we choose to sacrifice sleep to spend some time at least catching up having sex since it's the quickest way to feel connected for both of us we don't get date nights or anything because we have to child care in the evenings. Come September DD will be doing mornings on nursery so we will be child free for 3 hours a week.
Make the most of what little time you have, I do all my moaning/whingy/nagging by text so when we're together I can feel positive (I mean things like I'm tired/kids driving me mad/work sucks not huge relationship issues btw).

I recently took 3 days leave from work and we left Dd in nursery for those days. We had 2 together... I try and do that most months.

2 consecutive whole days child free. You realise how precious that is? And you do it about twice a month. That's really indulgent amounts of child-free couple time in my opinion, I'd love that even just once a year.

Maybe you are both tired from working full time and having a preschooler? I can understand that. But it's a separate issue to having little child free time as a parent with a young child. Now you have a child, you are no longer 'just' a couple and it is not unusual for FTP to take a while to adjust to the new norm as a family with a child, not a couple who can do as they please.

I have a 1 and a 2 year old, and work full time fairly standard hours, and husband works mainly evenings and weekends. We have time together some nights when kids in bed if he's not working m, but once kids in bed at 7, and we've had dinner, I'm usually ready for bed by 9! And that's on a good day.

So not much time together just the 2 of us, but try to enjoy time as a family, get a baby sitter the odd night, and hope that I'll be energetic enough to stay up a bit later when the kids are a bit older!

Yes I took a few days annual leave I have to use by the end of the month, but I sorry and take at least a day every other month to do the same, or we'll grandparents to have Dd for an odd Sunday afternoon so we can have dinner.

The problem is dh thinks that wheb we're at hone we should juat leave Dd to entertain herself and sit on the sofa together, inbetween cooking dinner and general housework. Dd is 21 months and wants to be involved all the time so by the time she's in bed and I'm showered and sorted for the next day it's 930 and I want to be in bed.