Decision after a break up with baby

[PinkChestnut]

Hi all

Was just wanting to plonk my thoughts somewhere to hear suggestions from others who have been in similar situations and what you did etc.

Basically my fiance and father of my 9 month old baby and I are going to split up. Already have really, been in separate rooms and no physical affection for months now. We talk amicably and get on, in a routine etc. But deciding next step. None of our friends or family know situation yet.

Here's my options and pros and cons I've thought of so far for each:

Option 1 -
Ask to move home to my parents with little one and have ex live in my flat.

Pros - spare money as would get benefits and work part time and parents would ask for low rent. I'd have their help with little one. Ex partner would stay in my flat and rent it from me.

But I would miss my flat (owned by me mortgage in my name). Would miss own space. My parents can cause me anxiety sometimes due to their anxiety etc. And my ex can be quite messy etc and I worry he wouldn't look after flat.

Option 2 -
Ex moves out. I'll get full benefits. Space to self. Flat however I want it.

But I worry I'd get lonely in evenings. Less money than if at parents due to more bills etc but doable financially. And I'd miss my ex as we are in such a nice routine at the moment..

Option 3 - Stay as is living together but not together. I would have company in the evening. Could keep current routine.

But me and ex clash sometimes. It would make it hard to move on. Resentment might build up.

Also, it sounds pathetic maybe but I worry my ex won't look after himself properly if he loves alone. Before we lived together he lived alone and he ate terribly, didn't look after himself and got a severe addiction that nearly killed him (please don't judge on me getting with him. I got the information about this gradually and by the time I had full picture we'd been together a year and I had fallen for him) I suppose I thought I could help him.. And in alot of ways I have as he no longer has addiction. But feel like I need to accept he's a grown man and not my responsibility. Me and little one are now.

Hope this all makes sense. Any advice greatly appreciated as not been able to speak to anyone IRL about this yet.

You need to look into the validity of your claim for benefits if you will be getting an income from renting out your flat by choosing option A.. You're not responsible financially for your ex. You need to look into ways of supporting yourself in the long term. Stay in your flat and get a lodger could be an option. I don't think moving in with your parents when you've got a baby is any kind of solution. Especially when you own a property.

Option 3 a little while longer -- can get lonely with such a young baby, and some extra care helps.

Check what fiance wants?

Note that fiance should be paying child maintenance when you separate, and that hands-on care might have considerable value to you.

Be pleased you do have some options.

Longer term looks like option #2 is only one that makes sense.

Option two, you could keep with three like above poster suggest for a little while. But long term definitely 2!!

I moved back home when I split with my ex, the house was his so he stayed there. It’s been great having family support. But I’m currently in the process of getting my own place. I need to do it on my own, I think to prove I can and to provide a long term stable base for my dd.

Do you work? Are you still on mat leave? Have a look at benefits and maintenance calculators to get a idea of what you’ll get.

Loneliness wise, you need to make that break from your ex being your company. Find some hobbies, read, anything to really to keep busy.