Can't get this out of my head

[Nowhere2turn]

I split with my ex a few months ago but something he said to me is sticking in my mind and is upsetting me so much.... when I know it shouldn't

I love my career and have done it for over 20 years, and he once said to me that I have no drive and ambition as I haven't climbed the ladder when I could have done! The reason I didn't is because I had other things going on at home that also needed my attention and I would not have been happy "climbing the ladder" to not give it 100%. I now doubt myself so much about my abilities and also wonder if I am such a let down to my family when all around me are excelling and "climbing the ladder". I am so upset over his words it's unreal.

I don't know why I'm really sharing this, I think it's because I have no one else to say it too without getting upset and looking silly.

We all have our on reasons for the way we live our lives and it is not up to anyone to dictate that. Your happiness is all that matters and I am sure your family do not have that view!

I very much doubt you are a disappointment to anyone. Please try not to be so hard on yourself. Some people just aren't as ambitious as others and I'm not saying that as a criticism as I'm like that myself.

When I was going through school I was seen as one of the 'clever' ones and I achieved top GCSE and A-Level results. I did a degree at a respected university and came out with a first class. However, I quickly realised that none of this matters in the grand scheme of things and that I never want to have a high class profession or be the 'big boss'. I am now working as a middle grade Civil Servant and I am extremely content with this. I have no desire to achieve more than one grade higher than I am now and I don't see anything wrong with this.

Certainly, I see people from my school who achieved similar or lower grades than me who are now doctors, solicitors, optometrists for example. However, this would never have been the life for me. Please, please don't let what your ex said upset you to this extent. You are a valuable person and your life and worth are not defined by your career choice.

I think climbing the ladder has become such a thing in society now. I feel there is a fair bit of pressure to do it in most jobs. I'm a great believer in just being happy. If not climbing the ladder makes you happy then stay as you are. I also understand that it makes lots of people happy. I have had the same career for 20 years and have loved it but only recently wanted to progress further up the ladder. Previously I didn't want the extra stress and responsibility and so didn't go for promotion. I did it when I wanted to and felt ready. It was definitely the right time to do it.

Don't let other people's expectations or what they do affect your choices and happiness.

I think it's likely it was just a spiteful comment - I would try to ignore it and focus on your new life and being happy.

And the flip side is if you did have the drive etc then he'd have complained that you were never home and only focused on your career!

Thank you all so much
It's like I said... I absolutely love my job.... and very happy with it, so I really don't know why it's got to me so much!

Thank you all again for your kind words x

I did think about telling him how it has affected me, to see what it's done to me..... but I can't actually see the point as nothing he ever did was wrong anyway, so he would just say I took it wrong way or was too sensitive:-(

Oh, definitely don't say to him as he may turn it back on you and you will feel worse. His opinion shouldn't matter to you at this stage...remember that he is your ex for a reason.

You're right beetlebumbum
It would possibly give him satisfaction

Success is a dynamic concept, with a different meaning for us all. Live your life for you and define your own aspirations. Others are always going to have opinions, but ultimately if you are content they do not matter.
Often such comments said in the context of a row/ break up seem to contain an element of projection too.