Is this controlling?

[G781]

Hi all. Been a lurker for a while but new poster.

Me and my mum don't get on, but due to finances I'm still living at home (working on changing that ASAP)

My mum usually does all the washing - I live with 6 other people and she's got a routine to do it. She's recently stopped doing my washing because I do things she doesn't agree with (I go out with friends, stay over etc) - I'm 23.

I would do my own washing, but she now has prevented me from using her washing machine. Currently relying on friends to have clean clothes which is ridiculous

Where do I go from here? Is she controlling me?

I know moving out is the answer but I currently can not afford to do that. Any advice would be much appreciated.

@Aquamarine1029 if I were to stand up for myself and tell her those things, it only makes being at home much more difficult, and although I'm trying to leave. It's not that easy. I understand where you're coming from but it's not that straight forward

@SandyY2K thank you. I think her being scared of me growing up is pretty close to the situatikn, and she thinks by lashing out she might get to keep me... but in reality it pushes me further away. She already acts surprised I don't want to bring friends etc home

my parents were a bit like this, g781

Maintaining the moral high ground with them has become very important to me.

it was helpful, more to remind me than them, to repeat my age when they were being completely unreasonable, just say it in response to them having a go at you

"I am twenty three years old. Only you think I am stupid. Nobody else thinks I am stupid. I am twenty three years old."

I was 22 when I became pregnany with ds1. My mother through an absolute brat fit. Called me stupid, too young, stupid little girl etc.

It sAYS MORE ABOUT THEM THAN IT DOES ABOUT YOU. Maybe your mother WAS an idiot at 23. You are not.

Not sure if it's been mentioned but have a look on the spare room app, If you do a Google there are a few sites specialising in it.

If I were you I would look on there, make arrangements for your next payday and leave. Done give her rent out of that wage. Just leave. Many room shares will not require a huge deposit and just a month's rent.

Is this controlling? Yes, very much so. You mention that you've had difficulties with your mental health recently, well no wonder. Her behaviour towards you is awful. She should be encouraging and supportive, not treating you like this. My young adult dd lives at home after spending two years away, she now has a part-time job and we don't take any housekeeping money off her at all. She does the food shopping sometimes and pays for that, and various jobs around the house. We treat her as a fellow adult living in the house, and she behaves like one.

Oh poor you, that’s very tough. I think your MH will improve when you are out of there. Can your friends help you?

Do not bother arguing with her at present, it is a waste of breath. She won’t listen, nothing will change.