AIBU on a romantic trip?

[flowerbloom]

So I'm away with my boyfriend of 3 years on a city break (escape). It was well needed after lots of stress and just moving in together (bought a new flat 50/50).

Whilst we are away on 2 occasions friends he knows have been here. The first time was a guy I also know, they're close friends so I understood wanting to see him. But the friend didn't want to anyway as he was with locals and was visiting them.

The second was a girl he used to live with before we met. Nothing ever happened between them. She's here visiting another friend. They've never communicated since we've been together in any substantial way. She hasn't seemed to have been someone he was that close to just an acquaintance. So I was very mad when he started to suggest we would go and see them and if I didn't want to hed go without me.
We are on a break together, it's meant to be romantic.

So AIBU to be upset about this?
He got angry at my not wanting to and my reasons so he just called me boring, said he has more fun with them etc, and when I said that he should be putting me first, he said she's a better friend than I am to him. All angry malicious words but I just don't understand why he's acting so mad towards me. I am genuinely baffled as to why he'd even think it was something to suggest?

She hadn't even asked to meet up. Just a "oh I'm here to" but the implication was there which is why he was like we should see them.

I'm in tears in our hotel room because I can't stand my feelings being so neglected. Unsure where to go from here.

How long are you away for?

id be heartbroken if my partner started saying that his friend was more important to him than me while we were on a romantic trip.

Nothing wrong with meeting up if you both want to, but if youre on limited time AND its a romantic couples trip, then surely youre doijg stuff together and should both agree stuff like this

3 day's total so only tonight and tomorrow day left

Take yourself out for a walk and do some sightseeing on your own to clear your head and think.

I would be very upset too. It sounds like he planned a trip where you wouldn't really be alone together. If you hadn't just bought a place together, I would assume the relationship had run it's course.

I couldn’t forgive such angry malicious words in these circumstances. It sounds like he is emotionally detaching.

I think the only thing to do is go out on your own, have a nice meal/early night and think about whether this relationship has run its course.

The arrangements with friends have only occurred whilst out here because he posted some pics of us on Instagram and these people responded.

It is very hurtful. If We hadn't just bought the place I would probably be considering moving on but it makes it harder now. I'm still early twenties, he's late twenties. I know I have so much yet to do with my life and I do wonder whether I'm dealing with too much anguish in the prime years of my life.

I'm just very confused and upset

He's being social, and you're not? Could be innocent I suppose - some people are extrovert and love to be round people, including acquaintances from their past. You see it as a romantic break, he see's it as "travel and fun"

OR

There's a fundamental mismatch. He doesn't feel about you in the same way you feel about him and he doesn't want the same things? He doesn't feel romantically about you in the same way as you do about him?

Only you know which.

Honestly. The property can be sold. It’s just bricks and mortar. Do not wait for things to get more complicated be staying and having kids.

There is no time like the present to make your life better.

Hi out for dinner, schedule a night over at your best friend’s house for as soon as you get back. Tonight could be the start of a much better chapter...

OP I'm sorry but he sounds like an arse. Let him go out with his friend and you take the opportunity to explore wherever you are and have a great time or at least make the most of a bad situation.

For a man in his late twenties he sounds quite immature anyway, so you may have dodged a bullet here finding this out now before you waste anymore time on him

I hope you don't do as i did and take nearly ten years to accept that buying the house was a mistake.

I think the reason I find it harder to accept and be strong is that my ex was a total arse. From 16-20 I was in a relationship with an older man who physically and emotionally abused me and my confidence is nothing. It's really changed my outlook on things, I don't know what is my actual thoughts, if I'm being paranoid, my anxiety is off the charts, I don't trust anyone truly. That hasn't helped my relationship although I was very transparent and he said he understood.

He is very immature. The fundamental problem is that he fell head over heels for me and was amazing and then once he got me and knew I was emotionally stuck he became less considerate and more selfish. I think he's a narcissist.
We are just a mismatch in relationship expectations. I view relationships as a team, building a life together, tackling issues together, being a support system. Having your own life but also seeing that things can't be the same as when you're single.

He thinks you should be able to be the same as when you're single except you just don't sleep with anyone else (or anything else cheating). You think about yourself first and that's it.

I guess neither view is ultimately wrong, just incompatible

you sound really clear headed and strong. You say your confidence is at rock bottom, but it shouldnt be as youve got a lot going for you and can see through the bullshit quite clearly