Please help me hold everything together

[ohforFucksSake900]

Ive got a way out of the abuse but I'm scared. It's taken months to figure this out (it ain't simple, legal problems visa issues The Hague convention all play a part. Can't just up and leave.) I've found a way out but I need to make a move quick. Best time to do it is about 4 weeks from now. I know this logically. But I'm scared. Scared to take the leap. Scared to stand on my own (never done that before). Scared of being financially independent. I'm so scared.
Help me hold it together before I pass up what might be my only chance to go

Thank you I need all the luck I can get
It's the uncertainty that's getting me the most I woke up last night in floods of tears because I'd dreamt that nobody would help me and I couldn't get work and my money ran out and me and the kids were starving in an alleyway.
I can't let that happen but the fact that nobody will tell me shit about what I can/can't get (even if not in cash, somewhere to stay and support to get a job would be worth more to me than £100,000) which is scaring me a lot.

Unfortunately, the agencies that can and will give you help when you arrive back here are a bit useless until you are here, or until you are in a changed situation. Not the way it should be, but we don't live in a perfect world. Having young DC is good, because you will get more help because of that. You are being amazing and I admire your strength. Take one day, one step at a time and keep your goal of 4 weeks in your mind. You do not want your DC to live with abuse all their lives, because that is what will happen if you do not leave. You can do this!

You will be alright.

I'm sorry WA have been a bit crap. Perhaps they can't do much until you're actually here?

Keep going, just keep going, one foot in front of the other. Can you give the weight of all this to a higher power of some sort? Just asking. Even if it's 'the universe' you could hand it over...

I appreciate it's not simple lol but something to aim for?

Keep going. Day at a time xx

Today has been really hard; I'm starting to suspect he knows something's up but he's away tomorrow and won't be back for at least four days so I'll have some breathing space to get some more exit related stuff done.
I'm living completely desperately to him - using the DCs as an excuse (I don't want to sleep away from them and his snoring makes it difficult for youngest to sleep which is true but not the reason).
I have my own floor, incl small living area bedroom, kitchenette and bathroom and avoid going on his for anything. We come straight up here after I get eldest dc from school and I don't go back down again unless we're going out.
I'm grateful he is working so much at the moment it gives me the time I need to both plan plan plan and keep myself together but he's also started to be nice to me like overly so. I'm giving him low level positive reactions back just to avoid him getting angry or figuring anything out.
I don't want to play this game anymore... walking on egg shells and trying to outsmart him and cater to his emotions so I can have my own way (to get out and keep us all safe in the last few weeks).
I'm so ground down. I just want someone to bundle me up and tell me it'll be alright but I've got to be that person for my dcs.

But then that makes it harder too. Eldest dc loves him (I've spent the last few years using myself as bait when he's angry, because I can't bear to see them hurt and I never, ever would so dc1 only knows the "good" side, the Disney dad, the cuddles and the fun and the cool holidays and toys he will get her). So I can't say anything until it's done. I know they won't understand but if I say something now I fear eldest will say something and that will fuck it all up.
If he finds out I'm screwed. So I can't afford for that to happen....and it makes it so much harder because I know it's the right thing to do but I also know eldest will fucking hate me for it, at least for a while. But that's better than the alternative.

I do hope I get help too as I've said I don't even want money at all just a safe place to go for a smallish amount/free and some support in finding work would be my dream come true right now. I know my entitlement for benefits is effected I just hope I can get other help that's all I need...

It will be alright.
You are doing all the right things.
Please try to keep things as 'normal' as they were before.
Very hard to do when you know you have your exit plan.
You are doing all of this for you and your DC.
It's terrifying but will be so relieving when you do finally get away.
Well done.
Keep plodding on.
You CAN and you WILL do this!

I hope you're right hells but I am terrified. I do wish I could go to sleep and wake up when it's all over.

I do keep panicking that I'll fail and it's all going to go to shit. Ugh. I hate my life.

You are incredible. I'm sure you have but if Not, have you contacted women's aid in the UK? Told them your plan? They might be able to get some things ready for you. You are so strong.

Yes I've spoken with WA.
At first they were useless and now all they've said is to contact them when I arrive and they will assess me.
So I have no idea what if any help I can get. It's helpful to know I'll be assessed but not helpful to know I can't be told one way or the other if I COULD be eligible for something.

How's it going?

Fake it with your husband. Be lovely and ordinary to get him off the trail. You have to do this, your life depends on it. Act your socks off you could even fake being sorry if it helps, like you've come to your senses/been tamed

This is the horrible bit and very soon this will be over. I'm sorry no-one, eg WA, is being very helpful this end - I really am sorry about that. What do you think about the praying idea? It doesn't have to be to a religious God but to a general force for good, a loving something out there. I find it helps.

Keep going girl, You can do this

It's been a tough week.
He's been around a lot trying to "spend time with" us. He makes my fucking skin crawl and I'm sick of the sight of him, I just want to be gone but I'm faking it as well as I can.
I'm scared of him I love him and he makes me sick, it's messed up. But the love is waning quickly...
still trying to keep everything moving in the right direction, planning, budgeting. Hoping.. posted earlier re grocery budgets. Anything to keep my mind off him, TBH.

Very sorry for the slight NC fail. OP here.

Keep going girlie if that's alright to call you girlie, term of affection

You're doing the right thing. You can do this!

I wouldn't stay in London, I'd head further out as accommodation in and around London is extortionate and difficult to find. Make sure you delete all your browsing g histories just in case, I know you're private browsing but just in case anything slips through. And you don't need to bring much, documents, money and basics. If your dcs are young charity shops will kit you out until you get on your feet. I hope all goes well OP, let us know how you get on and when you get back to the UK safe. Xxxx

Hi,

Can I recommend another organisation you might not have heard of? Savera UK www.saverauk.co.uk. Their main areas of work are in forced marriage and FGM and if you look on their website you might think this is all they do etc but from experience with them, I know they are also very active in helping women in domestic abuse cases - especially ones that have links overseas. I'm sure they'd be able to help you find the sercices you need. They are really lovely.

HTH

Rooting for you, OP. Stay strong and be careful. x

Wow great recommendation Dolores

@glorious

Excellent - very well found!!

Sounds like you ve done great - although it’s anxiety provoking there is only one thing that really matters and that’s getting in the plane . One step at a time . The money you have saved is a decent amount outside of London and you should be able to get accommodation pretty quickly with it . Don t put too much pressure on yourself with files and evidence . Just get on the plane . Everything else will be easier to sort when you feel safe in England ( or wales )

Good luck OP.

You sound smart and brave. I remember someone in a similar situation who was waiting to flee being advised to book something like dental check ups for a date after their planned departure and to write it boldly on the calendar to add to the smoke screen/ illusion of being settled.

What career did you have? Whats jobs will you be looking for?

Hand holding op x

Well done you, it's been a long hard slog to get this far and it is scary. I agree with moving away from London due to the cost.

Manchester perhaps??