How to stop estranged relatives contacting us?

[PasstheStarmix]

Me and dh have abusive estranged relatives. They send weird unwanted cards and we’re scared they will up at our house. We have a small child and need to protect his welfare. What’s the best course of action?

Thanks UserThen that’s very helpful, I’ll
check it out. I wish they were threatening as it would give us more evidence. Unfortunately they know how to play it perfectly and do everything without warning and love to catch us out when you least expect it. They thrive on this.

We have been on the receiving end of this type of behaviour (MIL).

I actually wouldn't send stuff back (because it can escalate things) I would keep it for future reference, we binned stuff and then regretted it later as it would have been evidence.

You have had great advice, although I'd add to seriously start planning to move. While your child is young you can control the post they open, where they go etc, but longer term your estranged family members not knowing your address would be best. (Set up postal redirects when you do so new owners/tenants don't have any reason to have your address)

Thanks RaptorInaPorkPieHat. The thing is we haven’t told them to stop sending cards so have no evidence of that. Would you suggest we tell them to stop sending cards?

Radio silence from you needs to be maintained, do not tell them anything like please do not send us cards (they will ignore that). Do not acknowledge anything they send you but instead shred it or otherwise dispose of it (do not give these items any more power).

I would seek legal advice re their harassment of yourselves.

My sister estranged herself from me and my parents. I've seen the damage It can do.

HammerToFall I’ve seen the damage that staying ib touch with abusive relatives can do. Sorry for your situation but all situations are unique.

CoffeeOrSleep Unfortunately we only bought the house recently and can’t sell for a number of years as that’s the rules of our purchase. We also love our house and no way are we uprooting for those vile people. They’re not welcome.

Thanks everyone for your replies, I’ve kept all the cards etc and will keep as evidence should and when I need to use them.

When I first went NC with my parents, they kept on phoning us at home. I got a call-minder phone which did help block them from getting through, and was relatively easy to work. That could be your first step.

I'm now in the middle of a police investigation following them behaving like absolute arses. The police have promised to protect me in various ways. They've suggested I take out a non-molestation order against them, which would apparently cost me something but it would provide some protection. It might be worth your while looking into that.

But mostly, I think you should plan how you're all going to behave if they do turn up: for example, make sure you check who is at your door before you answer the door bell; if they do confront you on your doorstep refuse to talk to them and try to get into the house or back into your car without comment. Engaging with the nastiness is not helpful.

Make sure your child's schools/nurseries know not to let anyone else have contact with them.

Be as non-reactive as you can whenever anything does happen. The drama of an argument will prompt further instances, in my experience.

I hope you don't have a visit.

If they turn up - call the police. Regarding the unwanted correspondence, keep it all in a file and contact a solicitor. Ask about a non molestation order. What is the nature of the correspondence? Is it abusive /threatening? I am going through something similar. The correspondence I receive does not contain abusive /threatening language so the solicitor said that there's no guarantee that a judge will grant the order, she said that a lot will depend on the judge on the day. A warning letter will have to go out first. I think a warning letter may work in the case of the relatives I'm dealing with, but I'm at the moment wondering whether going down this route may give them too much power. I'll let you know how I get on!