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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Im Feeling a Little Down

7 replies

ALittleBitConfused1 · 17/02/2018 14:10

Long story short, hideous abusive relationship ended last year when it turned violent. Alter a particularly traumatic night I knew it had to end. I involved the police....welcome to 5 months of what can only be described as hell. The trial, the legal process took over my whole life.
Anyway I knew I couldn't carry on so I started intense therapy with a specialised trauma/dv unit. It's helped drastically. I've focused on work and have really tried to build my nearly shattered career prospects back up.
The court date came and went with a positive outcome and I've spent time with friends and family, finding peace again at home.
The last couple of months I've started to relax and settle but I've been so poorly. I know my immune system is shot so am now concentrating on eating better and sleeping more.
The thing is I've just got to the point where I've hit a wall. I feel really down. It's as though last year was so much about just surviving that now I'm sad. Don't get me wrong I'm glad I'm not with him, it's not that I'm sad about. I know I deserved and still do deserve better. Tbh I'm not ever looking to get involved again, and the thought of never being loved again makes me sad too. I've finished my therapy, I've put so much work into it I guess I was just expecting to be magically cured and ecstatically happy by now lol.
I've begun to look into further education which would be a long process but could mean a career change in the future as something additional to focus on but everything just seems a bit flat.
I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself because I've been poorly. I guess some motivational stories, or just some you'll get there I did would help.
I am trying so hard and have done and continue to do everything counselling has taught me I just can't wait for it all to be a distant memory. I hope I'm not putting too much pressure on myself, I do keep reminding myself that it hasn't even been a year yet so I'm doing great but then I think ffs move on already.

OP posts:
NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 17/02/2018 15:11

I haven't been in an abusive relationship but my mum was with my bio dad. She left him when I was very small & met someone new not long after, he took me on as his own & was my dad from then-they went on to have my brother & for the most part were happy up until we very suddenly lost my dad last year.
It will get easier-I think further education is an excellent idea.
Flowers

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 17/02/2018 15:21

I agree with what the previous poster has said about further education, sounds fabulous!!
I think what you've been through shows massive courage and tenacticy , you've displayed determination so keep using that . Now that you've finished your therapy set new goals that you want to achieve, you've demonstrated you can do great things on your own!
You literally have the rest of your life ahead of without an abusive partner holding you back, the world is at your feet Smile

Keep going OP , time heals things , you're doing great!! Xxx

ALittleBitConfused1 · 17/02/2018 15:22

That's a lovely story (apart from your Dad passing sorry) I'm pretty well educated but this would be something completely different career wise.
God your mum is brave I can't imagine ever being with anyone ha ha, think I'll stick to having a dog for company and the ocassional fwb lol.

OP posts:
ALittleBitConfused1 · 17/02/2018 15:25

Rhank you fuck it I have come a long way, in those early days after the attack I had to 'text myself daily to get up and get dressed. It just feels like such a long ten months but I suppose that's not really long at all to put myself back together lol.

OP posts:
FuckItPassMeTheWine · 17/02/2018 15:30

Exactly , be patient with yourself Smile My best friend had an abusive partner , left him three years ago . Her self esteem was really low & she suffered with really bad anxiety , fast forward to now , she has recently started her own business and is online dating despite her saying that she would never want a relationship again. It's all about the healing process. You really are doing great xx

ALittleBitConfused1 · 17/02/2018 15:40

Thank you. X

OP posts:
Wellfuckmeinbothears · 17/02/2018 17:16

Hi op,

I can totally relate. I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years. It was physically, emotionally, financially and sexual abuse and once I left I involved the police. It went to court, it was a really traumatic process (but I found the victim support amazing) and like yours there was a good outcome. I honestly never wanted to be with anyone again but a year after leaving I met my now dh and he was and is worlds apart from the monster that abused me. When I first left I couldn't imagine how I would ever get over the trauma of what had happened to me let alone fall in love. I still suffer from ptsd now but it does get better with time, trust me. Its all about being kind to yourself and looking after yourself. Give yourself time to heal, keep support in place (I found the womens aid forum really helpful) and keep talking about it. I actually posted on here asking if it was normal that I am still not over what happened to me but it is, it isn't something you will ever forget but you will be able to move forward with your life and be happy again. I read lots of books too and also did the freedom program which helped enormously when I met my dh as I knew the red flags to look out for...happily he displayed none and is just a kind, funny and gentle human being and I am so lucky to have him.

You're doing so well, stay strong and allow yourself time to heal xx

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