Introducing new bf to dc, help!

[CandiedPeach]

Been with boyfriend around 5 months but have known him longer.
We struggle with finding time together other than the one day/night dd is with her dad and him coming over occasionally evenings. He’s a teacher and tends to be busy through the week and the weekend day he doesn’t see me and likewise I’ve got lots on and of course dd.
But the recent half term would have been a nice opportunity to see more of each other, only dd doesn’t go to childcare in school holidays. So we managed a few evenings and one lunch and that was all.

DD’s only 16 months and I guess I’m wondering if it would really do any harm for him to be around as a friend, but I feel guilty that it’s too soon.

When I’ve been places recently, play farm, parks etc he’s mentioned it a bit more like he’s suggesting he’d like to come. He’s said from the start he’ll go as slow as I want in regards to dd and that he understands she comes first but that ultimately long term we come as a pair.

I guess I’m not sure how to mention it to him as I’m not completely sure what I want to do myself. And if I should talk to dd’s Dad first or after or.......
And how would you go about introducing a toddler anyway? Does he just start joining us at the park and stuff?

At 16 months she won't know the difference between him and any other friend. I don't see the problem.

I know I’m probably massively over thinking it. But because I know he’s not just a ‘friend’ it feels so different and I like it’s a really big step.
Plus I think I’m different with dd to when I’m not and I’m not sure how those two versions of me work in a relationship. I guess I need to just bite the bullet so to speak and at least if it doesn’t work she should be non the wiser.

And she’s currently got a weird thing of calling every man “dada” although she doesn’t do the same with women and mama. My ex thinks it’s confusing her as he doesn’t live with us anymore so don’t think he’ll be keen on the idea of him meeting her.
Plus could be a embarrassing if she says it to him!

My best friend's daughter called me dada for about 2 weeks. I'm a woman..... think it's short hair and jeans. Lol. Toddlers do it, just warn him and laugh it off.
A slow introduction as friends is cool and your ex has no say in the matter.

My dd went through a stage when she called every man daddy too. It’s fairly common for them to mix up daddy and man. No biggy.

She's only very young so therefore you don't need to explain anything to her like you would if she was older (who he is, how long you have known him, what he's like etc) 5 months is quite soon to be introducing a child to a new partner, however she won't know anything or think anything. She won't feel any sort of jealousy or anxiety that older children can feel in the same situation. I'd so it where you go to the park or something very child friendly to begin with. I'd do this a few times actually before having him round at your home.

I met dhs daughter when she was 10, she was very nervous around me and I was around her. Dh also has a 18 month old son and he wasn't bothered about me at all lol. We went to the park and then McDonald's. It's so much easier to build a bond when the child is younger compared to when they are older. My dss will probably always see me as being in his life as he will never be able to remember different.

I think it's very good you are so worried though, plenty of parents just introduce Tom, dick and Harry without even giving it a second thought.

How long had you been with your partner when you met his dc bitzy12?
I’m thinking maybe a few short meetings before Easter, so we can maybe have a few days out over the Easter holidays. By then it will be 6/7 months.

Glad it’s pretty normal Joysmum she doesn’t do it with my dad, her uncle or either of my grandads. But any other men she does.

Mentioned what I was thinking to my bf and he’s all for it! He did say I should speak to dd’s dad first though, he doesn’t want it to be, behind his back.

So think I might tackle that when he brings dd home. Thinking more along the lines of I’m planning this and wanted to let you know.... so I’m not really asking him. He’s generally ok, but has been a bit difficult recently so don’t really know how best to approach it