Dating with MND please don't bash me!

[EverythingHappens4aReason]

Haven't posted for a while but have recently gone back to online dating.....but that's another thread 😱
I'd been messaging a bloke and getting on really really well. We arranged to meet for a drink and he mentioned he walked with a stick. When we met it was obvious straight away he didn't just walk with a stick he couldn't walk without it. Still didn't bother me at all and we went on to have a really lovely evening lots of chatting, laughing, shared interests. Then he told me he has MND and occasionally uses a chair. The chair itself isn't the issue but the MND, I don't know anything about it apart from it being degenerative. My selfish part of me is saying don't take it on.......anyone out there give me some advice? Is it scary is it hard work do I cut now or is it something that will just be in the background?

Depends on the individual but it is a terminal illness.
Close relative died within less than 2 years of diagnosis. Some live in fairly stable state for more. Transfatty Lives on Netflix is an interesting insight into it but it is not an easy watch.

My ex's Mum had MND she was diagnosed 8 months or so before I met him so we'll say beginning of 2011. She lived fairly comfortably until late 2013 and the final few months were awful. She died in May 2014.

My Auntie on the other hand fell for the first time in August 2014 and was diagnosed in December 2014. Prognosis 2 years. She died in April 2015 and it was horrible.

It doesn't just attack their limbs making it hard for the sufferer to walk, pick things up, brush their hair or push their glasses up their nose. It makes it impossible. Additionally it attacks the lungs so they can't breathe as well, so they can't talk as much and the carbon dioxide doesn't fully leave the lungs causing a build up which can affect the heart. The heart can't beat as well.

I can't give any advice but I'd be happy to talk more openly about this if you would like to message me privately?

Good luck

If you date him you will have a heartbreaking couple of years. Please don't be guilt-tripped into any decision though. You're already thinking about the MND and not if he's a suitable person for you to date in terms of compatibility.

I remember chatting to a bloke online once and he told me he was in the last stage of chemo for testicular cancer which is not necessarily terminal and in no way comparable to MND but chemo is exhausting and recovering from its effects can be a slog. I didn't want that. I'd come out of a shattering end to a long marriage and wanted light-hearted fun to mend my soul which is exactly what I told him and he understood.

Not quite the same, but I started going out with a guy I knew had terminal cancer when I was about 20. He'd been told he had 6 months, ended up being about a year.

He was crazy about me, and I liked and fancied him a lot. In my youthful arrogance I thought I could look after him and make his last months more happy. Which I actually did, and I don't regret one bit. What I didn't bank on was that I would fall for him too - he was very brave in his illness, and it winnowed away some of the characteristics I hadn't been sure of at the start. So the end was still a blow and took me several months to get over.

However, It was just a small slice of my life, and we mostly had a normal, sometimes amazing time, until it got serious in the last couple of months. I have no regrets at all - it changed me for the better and showed me what good I was capable of. I also feel (then and now) that no one else will ever love you with that same single-minded devotion; it was a big responsibility, but also humbling to receive.

So I guess it depends on what space you have in your life for someone like this - if it flourishes, he'll need time and care, and there may be strong emotions floating around. But I wouldn't change my experience for the world. Hope that's a helpful perspective

Thanks everyone I think I know what I want to do now. Xx

One of my best friends was casually dating this guy 11 years ago when he was diagnosed with MND. She was in love with him and stuck around. They got married shortly after and are still together now. He is very disabled (can't move or speak) and she works full time so they have carers for him. They are very happy but I think it is very hard for her too. In all honesty I'd walk away now if I were you. Awful as that sounds.

I don't think anyone would judge you for walking away. But what a brave man;, it must take such courage to date and be that truthful about sich a personal thing. Good luck op whatever you decide.