Would this offend you?

[lifesteeth]

I've been having a bad time with my 8 year old son lately, he's being bullied at school, he's upset that his dad doesnt seem to care about him (not unfounded paranoia, his dad is an arse) and he and my partner do not get along either. I feel so bad for him and I'm really trying to sort his problems out, I've organised a councellor for him, being into the school about the bullying, contacted his dad (no reply there suprise suprise) and told my partner that if he doesnt get along with my son he will have to get lost basically.

My son knows I'm trying, we keep talking, he is happy to talk to me and pleased about the councellor...

Anyway this morning I mentioned the problems to my mum and she said "aww I feel sor sorry for him, he can come and live with me". She said it in a jokey way but deep down I think she means it, she said it 3 times during the conversation and it seemed like she was testing the water with it , she said something very similar when I was pregnant with him and then when he was a baby but followed it up with "but you wouldn't let him would you?"...again she says it in a jokey way but always seems to wait for a reaction.

I feel very offended by it today, I am trying and for her to say that its as if shes saying "you're not doing good enough for him, send him here and we'll look after him properly".

I know she thinks I favour my youngest son and she feels like everyone leaves my eldest out (including me) which just isnt true. Its as if she thinks everyone hates him but her.

So am I right to be offended or am I being too quick to take it the wrong way?

Does she have any reason to think that you are not coping and could she possible think that this would h elp you in some way?

Even so, would find it offensive tbh and think I would ask her not to say it again. Sounds like you are doing everything that anyone could for your son and that you have a good relationship with him.

Keep us posted about how things go with the counsellor as I can see things going this way with my ds so would be interested to know how it goes.

Not the most sensitive comment i gues, but maybe she saying it to offer help. Can you not politely say 'no thanks' but if you have any other suggestions that might help him feel better they would be welcome, as i am sure as his gran she has his best interests at heart.

My boys are VERY hectic, always full of energy, sometimes a bit wild, especially if they're together and left to get bored and a few weeks ago I took them to see my grandma who then reported to my mum that she doesnt know how I cope on my own with them and that I must be knackered. So maybe she feels I'm not coping but I am. I find it a bit bizare that she goes on about having my son live with her when she can hardly manage the child that she does have and she is so stressed and tired after having mine for a night that its a good few months before she agrees to do it again.

I think i'd be sort of offended but also pleased she's willing to help, i certainly wouldn't send my child to live with her but i would feel comfortable sending him to stay for a couple of weeks while i either improved things with dp or kicked him out and to give your son a bit of time away to think about stuff on his own and get spoiled by his granny sounds like he could do with being special and spoilt for a short time? or perhaps send your youngest child and have some quality time just the 3 of you to see if it improves things with him and your dp?

I would accept her help but not to the level she expects/ wants.

Do you think you could possibly be more offended because deep down you feel you should be doing better by him and feel you are failing (YOU ARE NOT) but sometimes we feel ourselves we aren't doing well enough and get defensive when anyone else dares to point out our insecurities?

Oh your last post puts it in a different light, sounds like you are very sure you are coping and don't want her interfering, thats slightly different.

Maybe she only says it because she knows you would never take her up on it , a type of jokey comment rather than a serious offer ?

yes i would be offended

not very diplomatic of her - but it is an opportunity to get more help from her as it is offered

my grandma takes my cousin swimming every week after school - it is part of their routine - something like this might be nice?