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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please help me

8 replies

Lollypops20181 · 17/02/2018 00:09

Basically partner 15 plus years. He has suffered from MH problems for many years. Both parents chronic alcoholics. He has been no contact with his deeply damaging mother for many years who has made various accusations about my father (their affair - never happened, my father being ladies mans etc.- father highly successful businessman & “well to do”)
Anyway. We went to Australia to visit his sister, recovering heroin addict. Two years ago. Partner decides to tell me this PM that his sister told him that on that trip (we were joined for 4 days by my father who was on business) that he had “his hand low down her back/bottom when they embraced when they met”. I am a childhood sexual violence survivor and my father deplores any innuendos or violence against women and I am deeply traumatised by this allegation. I don’t know what to do. Partner says this relates to all the stuff his alcoholic mother has said about my father in the past - my sister in law very easily manipulated by mother. I don’t know what to do - tell my father and devastate him, ask her what happened (he was never around her without me and my two children being around).

I am so traumatised. I can’t think straight. Please help me to understand what to do (if anything). I actually feel very unwell, like I need medical help.

OP posts:
needanivoftea · 17/02/2018 06:29

Hi sunshine, didn't want to read and run. I don't know what to advise but I'm sure someone more knowledgeable will be along soon. Handholding and here if you want to talk some more Flowers

pog100 · 17/02/2018 07:07

On the face of it, you seem to completely over reacting to the allegation from someone you don't trust that your father had a slightly misplaced hand when greeting a family member? I'm sorry if I'm missing something here, but it seems a total non event that you would do well to ignore.

DianaT1969 · 17/02/2018 07:31

Agree with Pog. Ignore. What's the likely outcome here? You upset your Dad over something that he can't prove/disprove. Move on and enjoy your weekend.

Lollypops20181 · 17/02/2018 12:08

Thanks agree. Ordinarily I don’t get upset by their games but this really hurt me. Possibly overthinking this whole thing too. Thanks for making me feel calm again x

OP posts:
Lollypops20181 · 17/02/2018 12:08

Also, do you think I should be no contact with these people?

OP posts:
QuiteLikely5 · 17/02/2018 12:13

do Not get sucked in to the dysfunction. Avoid. Avoid. Avoid.

Go as low contact as possible.

Bluntness100 · 17/02/2018 12:13

I also think you're over reacting here because of your past. Understandable, but it's a misplaced hand, that's it and on greeting,and you know your dad. Plus they are all adults.

I'd go no contact, yes, they all sound totally fucked up.

Lollypops20181 · 17/02/2018 13:27

Thanks everyone. I’ve since had a fully updated version of what happened. It was infact when DH was taking photograph of my three children in the front row of photos, SIL at back with me and my father either side of her. Apparently he had his hand placed near her bottom/on her bottom when the photo was taken.
She told my DH what had happened a few days later and told him never to tell me.
Also for information: she previously accused her relatives (falsely) of sexually abusing her.

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