How do you manage relationship between In Laws and GC if you go NC with MIL?

[Saffydarling]

If your relationship with MIL has deteriorated to the point that you are LC or NC with her, how do you cope with a relationship between her and your children? Particularly if she has manipulative, sneaky, vindictive and/or passive aggressive behaviours?

How healthy is it for GC to have a relationship with GP if there isn't a relationship between GP and their mum?How is it beneficial for them to see their mum excluded from one side of the family?

Mine wouldn’t be having a relationship with her either. Why would you expose your DC to someone who is ‘manipulative, vindictive and sneaky’?

To keep the peace within the family? Or if you are made to feel you are in the wrong/at fault (you aren't)?
By sneaky, the behaviours aren't obvious to all which makes it harder to get support.
Some people say the GC only have 1 (or 2) sets of GP. Looking at the relationship as something sacred.

I don’t believe a GP or any other relative is automatically deserving of a relationship with a child. They have to earn it. If they are not a positive figure in the child’s life, they’re out, don’t care who they are.

Sounds like you’re isolated in your opinion of your MIL. Where’s your husband in all this?

GP are nice to GC at the moment so no reason not to see GP. But MIL is very clever in her ways. She would like nothing more than to have access to DH and GC without me. Our relationship has deteriorated and this now looks like a very feasible option. I don't think it's good for GC to see GP if I have been pushed out. But is this wrong since GC will have their own relationship with GP? GC under 9 years.

DH dealing with FOG, becoming wiser but lacking strength to deal with a woman who can turn nasty very quickly.

Having no grandparents is better than having ones that are toxic and manipulative. There is nothing to stop them turning on the dc - just imagine how much harm that could do

I'm NC with my parents, and since I stopped seeing them my children haven't seen them either. If I couldn't cope with my parents' manipulative and abusive behaviours I knew my children wouldn't know how to react either. It's protecting them.

As for children needing relationships with their grandparents: if their grandparents are positive, kind and encouraging then yes, they should know them. But if their grandparents are manipulative and toxic then nope. They're better off without them.

Saffy

What the other respondents here have written.

A good rule of thumb here is that if any relative is too difficult or toxic for you to deal with, its the same for your children as well. Do not let them be subjected to these emotional manipulations, that is far worse. They also do not know that they are being manipulated either.

Children should have emotionally healthy role models as grandparents, not those who are manipulative, vindictive and sneaky. Better to concentrate instead on those people who are emotionally healthy.

Have you looked at the Out of the Fog website?.