I've just found out my boyfriend is a compulsive liar

[DutchMummy88]

I met this guy about 6 months ago, we fell head over heels in love and I had never been happier. We were talking about getting married in the future and making lots of future plans.
He's great with two kids and they absolutely adore him. He's met all my family and friends and they all loved him.
In the last month he seemed really scatty, plans that we'd made would get cancelled for strange reasons and my gut feeling was telling me something wasn't right. I asked him multiple times if there was anything he needed to tell me but he swore to me he was just a bit unorganised and that nothing was wrong.
This Tuesday just gone it got the better of me and I decided to do some checks. He had told me and everyone else that he was starting his new job lecturing at the local uni on the 21st. He told me so many details of the courses he would teach and the topics etc. How much he'd get paid, the days he'd have to work. How it would be nice as he would have the school holidays off.
I phoned them up and found out it was all a lie.
After this I contacted his friends behind his back and bit by bit discovered the lies.
I also found out he'd started snorting heroin around the time we got together.
I confronted him on Valentine's Day as soon as my children were picked up by their dad.
He didn't say much but just cried whilst I lost my shit at him and then I made him give back my key and leave the house.
These are some of the lies I found out
He told me he had lymphoma cancer in his twenties - not true
He booked me a surprise holiday for my upcoming 30th - not true
Got of the phone and told me and my friends that his mum just phoned to say his nan had a stroke - not true
On Valentine's Day itself he said his mum was in hospital for an operation. He'd told me initially weeks before so when it got to the day he was really concerned for her and kept calling his dad for updates. He told me so many details - not true
We spend the whole week trying to get money from his isa into my account for rent, booked appointments and everything as for some reason it wasn't working. He told me about emails he'd had from the bank. - there is no isa, even better he doesn't have a bank account at all.

This is just a small example.

I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I love him so much and I know his feelings for me are real. I'm so angry that he did this to us. I was so happy to spend the rest of my life with him.
I think I'm still in shock from the whole thing. Every time I manage to forget about all the lies and the drugs for a second I'm overcome by this sadness that we can't be together anymore.

I have told his closest friends and family all the things I found out so that he can't live a lie any longer. He's been to the doctor with his mum and they're getting him into a rehab program and are looking for a psychiatrist.

I'm not really sure what I'm trying to achieve by posting here. I guess that by writing it down like this it's all becoming a bit more real

Meh. It’s 6 months. Consider it a lucky escape and get far away from him quickly.

This is why it's important not to rush things with children. He'd met them and you'd moved him into the family home when you had no idea who Is was and now they have to deal with the fallout.

Op what an awful experience I really feel for you. However so far you have been steady as a rock kicking him out and telling everyone about the lies so he can't minimise any of it. That was very very strong and self preserving and you need to be really proud of yourself for that.

You will recover from this and meet someone nice who isn't a loon. This man is no reflection on you whatsoever.

I'm very sympathetic though my exp lied about a few things in a similar way and it's very unsettling when the truth comes out and you have to battle with yourself to end the relationship.

I was with my ex for two years before leaving him (actually, fleeing in the middle of the night). He was also a compulsive liar. And they were over the most ridiculous things. I knew, my gut was screaming at me but I'd met him at a very low point in my life and had "lost" myself quite a bit.

Finally got my shit together after rediscovering myself whilst on a work trip abroad. Sat drinking beer and having a laugh with like-minded people and thinking "aha, THIS is who I am, welcome back" was my lightbulb moment. It took a while to disentangle myself as we lived together, shared tenancy and he had obviously got wind that I was mentally checking out. It was scary and I left with a LOT of debt mostly created by him but I look back and am mightily relieved I did.

Funnily enough, his Mum was lovely. I had to contact her a few months down the line as I simply couldn't make ends meet. She was fantastic, understood why I wouldn't reveal where in the country I was, paid off the outstanding debt and stuck an extra £50 in for my birthday. I felt really sorry for her.

You know what - I think he may well love you. But whether he loves you or not, matters not a jot, apart from maybe giving you some emotional reassurance.

I've seen this happen to one of our friends. There is no question that he loved our friend. But when his own world fell apart, he simply did everything he possibly could to make sure he didn't lose her. He covered up the lies so well that they had their house repossessed by the bank and she didn't even know. She was living in the repossessed house for weeks before she found out. She went from blissfully family life in their house, to zero in the space of a few hours. Could have been made into a film!

Perversely, the fact that you're skint probably saved you from losing a lot more!

...... and you WOULD end up losing everything, because he would stop at nothing. It would be "double or quits" until the end. He'll continue "doubling down" in his life until he gets some serious professional help. Even that might not be enough.

He doesnt love you enough to not tell you lies or to not snort heroin. Well done on uncovering this and although its hard now, move on to the next chapter of your life. You and your kids deserve much more

I'm sorry you feel shit but you've really had a luck escape.
You are grieving for something you thought you had, it's horrible when you find out that nothing was real. Accepting it was all phantasy is not easy.
I won't pretend to even begin to understand what his MH issues are, I'm not qualified but I don't think you can hold onto the fact that you loved eachother, because nothing he feels thinks or says is real.
Op men like this are amazing liars that's why I would advise that you don't introduce men to your kids, let them have a key or rely on them to pay your rent after such a short time. Make them work for those parts of your life.