Struggling to break up with him

[Arghhhhhelp]

I need to break up with my boyfriend. On paper he's perfect but I can't shake this niggling feeling that it's just not right and something is missing for me. A few months ago I broke up with him, he broke down in tears, said he'd work on it, can we try again etc.. I couldn't take seeing him like that so I agreed to try again. It was fine for a while but then that feeling keeps coming back. I broke up with again and the same thing happened. I'm weak, I have no willpower, I hate seeing people cry. He's so sweet, he'll bring me little things that he knows I like and do sweet things for me. Valentine's day he really pushed the boat out. But the feeling won't fuck off. I know I'm a bitch letting it get this far and keep agreeing to make it work. I can't deal with anymore crying and the fact that he's done so many nice things for me lately and spent money on me makes me feel so shit. We have plans tomorrow which only adds to it because I know he's excited about the plans. I just don't know how to fucking do it. I've tried to be ok because I honestly do adore him but the feeling keeps coming back and I can't do it. How the hell do I get myself out of the mess I've created?

You split up and stay split up. He'll get over it.

I've been in this situation. You just need to do it and stick to your decision. The thing I learnt was that people can be nice, sweet and treat you amazing but that doesn't mean you HAVE to be with them. It doesn't mean they are the person for you or that you'll automatically want them. There's plenty of nice people in the world but you won't feel that spark with every single one of them just because they are nice.

It's awful seeing someone upset but by getting back with him it just means you're going to put him through the hurt over and over again. You're better off just putting him through it once. He will get over it and you'll both meet someone who is actually right for you. I know it sucks.

Has your upbringing taught you to be a people/man pleaser?

I'm in a similar situation. Pm me if you like

I've had a couple of relationships like this and really struggled to end them because I hate to be the reason someone else is upset. Would it help at all to look at this from his perspective? Would you want to be with someone who felt this way about you? Would you want them to stay with you (essentially out of pity) and waste your time and theirs on a relationship which isn't going anywhere? He might be upset initially but wouldn't it be kinder in the long run to let him go so he can find someone who feels the same way about him as he does about them?

FWIW though I always found the sort of behaviour you describe quite manipulative. The crying, being too nice, the promises to change etc all just felt like them trying to make me feel something I just didn't and it gave me the creeps a bit tbh. Justified in one case actually, when I eventually found a backbone and finished with him he sent me suicide letters everyday for weeks I really struggled to not give in and take him back but it wouldn't have been right, I didn't want to be with him. He's still alive and kicking btw, I saw him a few weeks ago and he didn't even recognise me!

You have a right to be happy too and staying with someone just to make them happy isn't right for either of you. Be brave OP (and tell yourself it's for his own good), you can do this

Just do it. The right thing to do isn’t always the easiest thing to do. End it and deal with the uncomfortable feelings that arise by being glad that you are behaving with integrity.

In the same position. Except I ended it a couple of times and now he is now deciding whether to carry on with me. So end it with him so you don't end up with the shoe on the other foot and it feel much, much worse...

You need to be fair to him and end it. If you cant stand he tears and crumble to taking him back then do it by phone call.

Or you could marry him,have 4 kids and still feel the same 25 yrs later 😟

Yep, you need to pull up your big girl pants and get a splint for your spine.
Stop putting him through this.
You want it over so do it.
Via text or whatever needs to happen so you don't see the manipulative crying.
What a selfish prick he is.
YOU don't want to be with him.
But HE is making you keep him by manipulating you.
It's all about him and what he wants.
Has he once asked you what YOU want?
NOPE!
Bin him off and do it properly.
It's hard but you have to toughen up!
I can't believe the crying hasn't put you totally off of him.