Men

[tammybear]

Ive been thinking about my 2 xps, and what other mumnetters have said about their dp/hs. And I was just wondering, is there such a thing as a perfect guy?

I dont mean totally perfect as I dont believe there is such a thing. IMHO I think all men are stubborn, selfish, run away from problems, never accept that they're in the wrong, and basically sulk if they dont get what they want. I noticed with my exp1 (dd's father) he just became lazy, didnt make an effort with himself or with me, and left everything for me to do - bringing up dd and housework etc. I know its because he just presumed I would always be with him no matter what, and I dont want to think that if Im with someone (which wont be for a long time) Ill end up unhappy because he makes no effort as I already have been through it.

I would like to believe that all men arent like this, and that I do have some hope to find a decent guy who'll treat me the way I want to be treated, but when Im out with my friends, they all seem like p**s-heads (sorry). I know that since Ive just gotten out of a relationship Im going to feel like this and at the moment, the thought of a relationship with someone else just turns my stomach. I would just like some hope from mumsnetters who are happy with their dp/hs or have been with someone that isnt what Ive already described.

the trouble is -we keep falling for the same type IYKWIM

yeah, i kept saying to xdp2 that he was nothing like exp1, but now that i look back, i think they were similar in a lot of ways. i think i was trying to convince myself as well as xdp2 at the time that they were nothing alike

Ok, I can tell you that not all men are gits but its at the risk of sounding smug..so forgive me if I do, ok?
My dh is a star.He really is a one in a million.We have been together a looongg time and I still think he's vv attractive and he always makes me feel attractive ,even when I'm hugely pregnant and covered in stretchmarks.He's a fantastic dad and does everything for the kids, changes nappies,baths them,cooks their dinners etc and despite the fact that he works long hours, we split all the housework between us.He came home from work tonight, knowing i'd had a bad day with the baby..with a bottle of wine and a bunch of roses.He's fab.
Not all men are horrible and you should hold out for a good one

I agree, not all men are selfish to**ers.
My DH is still very loving and considerate after 9 years. He does his full share of childcare and housework (picks dd up from nursery most days, takes her to the park at weekends, puts her to bed every other night - we take it in turns to do stories - and gets her ready in the morning while I shower etc, does lots of the cooking and all the ironing). And he doesn't take me for granted at all - in fact he operates under the assumption that he isn't good enough and I will obviously leave him some day .
He's not perfect of course - no-one is, not even me . He can be moody and he's quite short tempered and impatient, but as a package he's a pretty good one.
Hold out until you can find one of your own. They are out there I promise.

it is worth remebering that their is someone decent out there you have to be ready to meet them and at first try not to do too much for them let them get used to doing things for you or with you

I agree there are some good decent men out there and - even though I'm biased - I think my dh is one of them. He's currently off with ds buying some bacon for their breakfast.

Unfortunately, there are also men with the qualities you describe - but that doesn't mean that you have to accept that that's how men are. You deserve one of the good ones.

Anyway sounds like you'd prefer to keep your single status for a little while??

What a sad view of the opposite sex. Although you judge by what you are used to.

My dad is fantastic and always has been. Not perfect (horrible temper, but never violent), but I wouldn't want him to be. My dh is a fantastic father, very hands-on and loves doing things with our boys. He's just taken 2 of them into town so that I can get on and do 101 things that need doing (so why am I on here???). He's very generous, rarely spends money on himself, but the rest of us often get what we want in the long run. He works very hard, but will still come home and help with housework,etc. He too is not perfect (don't get me started on all the little things which irritate the out of me ), but he is a loving, caring and generous husband and father.

They do say that women tend to go for a certain "type", so maybe you have to rethink what you are looking for in a man. And then maybe you'll find someone like the ones described on this thread. They are out there.

I have to agree with what has been said. Not all men are bad. It might be that it looks like that at the moment because you have had bad experiences - which is totally understandable.
My dh is wonderful - not perfect, but then neither am I! He is a good dh and a good father. It has taken us work to build our relationship and that is what we have done.

If I were you Tammy - have a little break from relationships and men. You need a bit of time to get over these relationships and put yourself first. When you find the right person - which you will - these hurt feelings will all go away. My xp was abusive and I thought that all men were like that - but after time, and meeting the right one, you realise they are not. x

Also I do have a friend who was married to an utter pig of a man.
She left him and married again a couple of years ago. Her new husband is good looking, hard working, ambitious and is clearly totally besotted with her.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm sure there's many cases of women landing a good one after starting out with a few duds.

Just wanted to add,that of course dh isn't perfect he has his faults like everyone but the pros outweigh the cons if you see what I mean?
Plus if I hadn't had my share of frogs I wouldn't know I had a prince!!!

sorry if i offended anyone but like freckle said im just going by what im used to. my dad left my mum 12 years ago and doesnt really give a damn about any of us, except for now that he's been kicked out of his dp's house, he's trying to wiggle his back way into the family . then my 2 xp's are just jerks. plus my male friends are either cheating on their dps, doing drugs or sleep around. plus a few of my friends are going out with real t**rs as well.

i just wanted some reassurance that there are decent blokes out there, and im glad you girls have found one . but im not looking to get into a relationship for a long time. im just going to concentrate on me and dd and being happy

I too had to kiss far too many frogs, even someright toads to finally get my prince.
He is a total star, trust me, you can tell the difference from the first minute you meet them, it is worth holding out for, esp when you have a child to consider, it is one thing themt reating you like shit, but never, never your kids...

I don't think you offended anyone tammybear.I think we all just wanted to reassure you that not all men are losers and that there are good ones out there waiting to be bagged!! I think your plan of concentrating on yourself and dd is absolutley right.When you are happy and confident being you, then you are more likely to end up with someone lovely.It's the times in our life when we are lonely and desperate to be with someone, anyone that we end up with dodgy blokes.It's like something is better than nothing, you know.Except this is one area where nothing is always better than something crap!

That's the attitude, Tammy. Although it's nice to be part of a couple (when it's an equal and happy partnership), you don't actually need a man to be happy. I think perhaps you need to learn how to be happy by yourself (with dd of course) and to know yourself better before looking for another relationship. Then you will be in a position to recognise your prince when he comes along .

I think everybody who dates men goes through an "all men are b*s" phase after a break-up (even gay men!) There are a lot of weak men out there. But there are good ones, too. Let this moment pass, and when you feel a bit better, try again. But hold out for a good one! If you believe they all are worthless you may settle for a worthless one instead of looking longer.

DH is a star. Not perfect, but he does his share of the work, he treats us well, he does his best, he cuddles me and tells me I'm beautiful even when I'm wearing hopeless clothes and covered in baby spit-up, and he thinks I don't buy myself enough chocolate so he gets me some when I''m feeling down.

hi tammybear - I agree with freckle, sort out an enjoyable life with you and DD without a boyfriend on the scene, then you will be better able to sort out the frogs and the princes.