Feeling a bit cross

[Fedrightup]

I know it's a silly hour in the morning & everyone will be asleep, but I'm feeling all wound up & typing everything out may help me calm down enough to rest for an hour.
A couple of years back I started a thread on here about being disgusted that H had left some porn video in the recorder (which I wasn't aware he owned), which was then viewed by my then 5 year old & 20 month old DS!
Well tonight, for some reason, this incident ended up getting brought up. I can't remember how it started, but H was laughing about it all, and I told him I didn't find any of it even slightly amusing & was pretty disgusted. (Not so much that he watched the video, but that he was careless enough to leave it in the video!)

He basically went on to tell me that I was some weirdo for not liking porn, because 90% of the population did (I may well be weird, but the issue was never so much the video, more him being careless) & that he's had to watch porn since being married to me!!
I am so angry! He might not have had sex as often as he liked & maybe I didn't do things he wanted, but with his approach to sex, nobody would!

I am probably wrong for even entering into the silly discussion, but I haven't slept for days, so I'm constantly tired & grouchy right now!

Sorry, just needed to offload a bit, rather than laying here tossing & turning for hours!

Two more days & I will be away from him, but it doesn't stop me feeling angry right now!

sorry to hear you had a crappy time trying to get dh to see that it was not on for youdc to see porn.

no real insights - just did not want your thread to go unanswered

He probably can see it's inappropriate but didn't want to admit it and so 'lose face' in the argument.

Hope you get it sorted.

I think men are all completely obsessed with sex. Can see why you're angry about the kids finding the video - that's unforgiveable.

I was very angry about it at the time, and it was the fact that H was laughing while talking about it, that made me cross.

I shouldn't be still getting wound up about it all, but I was very tired. What has really got to me though, is that he has basically blamed me for the fact he watched it. He said it was because he was married to me, and I found that very insulting.

As in being married to me forced him into porn!!

That's a pretty thoroughly offensive thing for him to say, to put it mildly.

Is he maybe hurt because he wants you to have sex more and differently than you do? Still, that doesn't excuse or justify saying such a sh*tty thing.

And does he honestly think it's funny that your children saw porn? I'm pretty relaxed about porn, personally, but I wouldn't want my kids seeing it. And I don't think 90% of the population watches it. (Maybe 90% of men ... maybe not even that.)

Why are you not sleeping?

And why will you be away from him in two days?

I am not sleeping & will be away from him in two days because I am moving house without him! (Given myself away now!) Still gets to me though.

If he had such an issue with our sex life, then maybe he should have spoken about it years ago, not be an arse now.
If he had tried a bit harder, rather than thinking that saying "You're getting a bit tonight" & then lying next to me in bed naked, just presuming, then he might have got more sex from me!
Don't normally talk about these kinds of matters on here, but he has really got to me.

Ah, right, that makes the "driven to porn" remark make more sense - he's pissed off that you're leaving, and trying to get in some final shots. Still jerky, but at least explicable.

(Surely he enjoys porn now, maybe he should be grateful that your marriage brought this new pleasure to him? I'm guessing he'd never seen any before you got married? )

Thinking it was funny that the kids found porn still isn't ok.

That does sound like a charming seduction technique. All the great seducers of history went for that one, surely.

He was being much nicer, but when he gets wound up, he comes out with the nastiest insults. This is quite a major insult to throw at me now though.

I agree. I don't know why men are surprised that women aren't bowled over by these stunningly romantic propositions, i.e. fancy a shag, want a quick one.

I was bad though & told him that Saturdays earthquake was the first time the earth has moved in my bed! It just kind of slipped out!

I came out with that as a result of him being an arse, it wasn't what wound him up!

Good one! Sounds like he deserved it.

I am rubbish at keeping track of people, so I'm not quite sure who you are - do you have kids with this DH? If so, could you be tempted by having some Relate-style counselling to help you have a better divorce? People really struggle with their exes when they have to keep having contact, because of kids ...

Two more days and you are away from this romantic . I think I know who you might be but remember even then I would walk past you in the street not knowing you! He is loosing the control over you and is doing his best to get to you. Hmm 80% of the population would let children watch porn..... I wonder how he gets his research [laugh]