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Original poster

Sex after menopause

15 replies

jnj77 · 15/02/2018 07:59

I would be interested to know if anyone else is feeling like me. That men are obsessed with sex. Absolutely obsessed. I already am totally stupefied that there are so many crimes motivated by men's desire for sex in the world (prison guards making men prisoners abuse other men prisoners particularly in the muslim world) without mentioning rape, and refugees children all over the world being abused, and priests abusing everyone they can get their hands on, now men in the workplace with their colleagues or subordinates.... as a female, it leaves me speechless. What is it with men???? After menopause, I seemed to go off sex from one day to the next. But I have a husband (we both work at home) that would arrive at my desk with his cock out of his trousers, expecting sex in the middle of the day, several times a day, never mind every morning and night in bed. His first reflex awaking was his erect cock finding its way inside whilst I'm still asleep. I'm in such a mutinous place regarding sex : What is it with this species? I feel that marriage seems to be a synonymous with being a free sex provider. My husband is obsessed with it and would have it every hour if I was willing. For the minute I've made it clear I'm not interested. Is that grounds for divorce? Does our society say that marriage implies agreement for sex? And on how regular a basis? When I talk to other women, I get the impression that they all are rather tired of their husbands' needs but feel they have to play along. Would be glad for any feedback.

OP posts:
rumred · 15/02/2018 08:05

Oo there's a lot in your post....
Men and women are responsible for the bullshit about men being more sexual, imo.

I agree it's vile how sex related stuff is used to abuse and cow people. There's far more to discuss...
However in terms of you, you are entitled not to have sex if you don't want to. You're an equal to your h. Being pestered is a massive turn off. Being raped is, well, being raped. Have you talked to anyone about all this?

GeorgeTheHippo · 15/02/2018 08:09

How unlike the home life of our own dear Queen.

PollyPerky · 15/02/2018 08:15

George Eh? Confused

Op has your DH become a controlling, bullying sex pest just because you are post meno and your libido is shot? (Not that every woman feels like this). Or was he like it all along and you gave in?

Yes you have grounds for divorce- it's unreasonable behaviour. You can also leave your DH and divorce after 2 years- you don't need a reason.
His behaviour is appalling. if he is penetrating you against your will, that is rape- post menopause or not.

But what are you saying to him? It sounds as if you don't know the word 'No'.

Why are you allowing this behaviour?

Is your marriage good in other ways? Or is he controlling and selfish all the time?

You need to talk to HIM, set boundaries. Yes, there is sexual misconduct the world over, but this is happening in your own home.

What are you doing about it?

Cuban8 · 15/02/2018 08:39

I think that if you took a little bit of time to read down the threads in Relationships and Sex, you'd realise that there are a huge amount of of women here that are desperately unhappy by their OH's lack of interest/desire/sex drive/effort.

So, as with so many posts and threads, making such sweeping and lazy generalisations about men or women makes a mockery and devalues the valid & sensible points that are contained within the very same thread(s).

"This species..... " ..... really. If you feel so, that's a very bad place to be.

Anyone reading your thread will have sympathy for your own predicament. I think everyone would also advise you to take yourself out of the marriage ASAP.

I hope your situation improves, whatever the outcome. Take control of your own life and walk a path that works for you. There will be plenty of men out there that will be right for you. Don't wait until your own feelings are tainted to the extent that you forget this.

Good luck

PollyPerky · 15/02/2018 08:44

. For the minute I've made it clear I'm not interested. Is that grounds for divorce?

Do you mean HE could divorce you? Is this your worry?

I'm sorry but it sounds as if you have issues with self esteem and boundaries. You should not be wondering about hanging onto a man who treats you like this.

It also comes across that you see sex as something women give to men, rather than wanting for themselves too. Your comment about marriage = sex provider. This is a really archaic way to look at sex because for couples who are happy together, sex is a fun thing they enjoy doing. There is no coercion or men having sex when the woman doesn't want it.

Is your husband from another culture (the middle or far east) where their attitudes can be different from western cultures re. women's rights?

His behaviour is NOT normal and no man in his 50s should be presenting his cock to you at your desk at home and demanding sex.

Have you thought about having counselling on your own? It comes over here as if you are making generalisations about men and sex in a way to try and excuse and defend his behaviour rather than seeing HIM for what he is.

ScattyCharly · 15/02/2018 08:56

Your husband sounds like a sex addict. His behaviour isn’t normal.

HisBetterHalf · 15/02/2018 09:15

Next time he flops it out on your desk get the stapler out Grin

TheSnootiestFox · 15/02/2018 14:12

I'd actually give anything for my husband to be interested in me sexually. And his drive sounds similar to mine, a perfectly respectable middle class woman in her forties. Hardly a different 'species.. . ' Hmm

NotTheFordType · 15/02/2018 14:23

"As a female"

As a female what?

Felicitycity · 15/02/2018 14:34

I am sorry but I guffawed at the thought of your husband wandering in with his wedding tackle on display.

Wherearemymarbles · 15/02/2018 18:59

If he is having sex with you when you are asleep, thats rape. How you approach that is of course your choice.

I think there are currently 4 or 5 threads started by women trying to cope with hisbands who arn’t interested in sex. Lots of posts saying they are in the same boat. I’m sure lots of these frustrated women have paraded about with their baby making machinery on show to try and entice an uninterested spouse.... so its not just men.

Charismam · 15/02/2018 19:02

Sex pest.

But on the other hand, I'm guessing you're in your 50s and my experience of men in their 50s is that they suffer a lot of........ ED.

Ickyockycocky · 15/02/2018 19:05

I really couldn't stand being married to someone like you describe, I mean really, really.

gussyfinknottle · 15/02/2018 19:05

He's not acting like a normal person.

Tablesturned · 15/02/2018 19:07

How Long have you been with your husband and how long has he been acting like this? Has this become an issue for you since the menopause?

Agree with pp that according to threads on here there are at least as many men who have a low sex drive or are not interested for whatever reason.

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