I met a guy 7.5 months ago. We connected amazingly. We talked all night we twiddled fingers and he taught me things I never knew. We introduced the kiddies too.
He like 45-60mins away. He works shifts I work 9-5 he has a daughter and I have two children. Mine don’t see thier Dad and as such I am a single parent. He sees his daughter on a Wednesday and every other weekend. (I’m theory) and he works shifts either 5am-2pm or 2pm-10pm I work 9-5 Monday-Friday. He doesn’t have his own home and lives with his parents. I have my own house.
We find it impossible to see each other. We were going to move in together I changed my job as I needed a term time job becausw is loose my tax credits as a couple and he told me the day before that basically it’s not happening for now as I’d been acting strangely.
I had been - at Christmas he slept over at his ex wives. On the sofa. He then, in the morning screend my calls. Despite saying he would stop paying his ex wives bills and would divorce her he hasn’t made any moves to do so. I’ve reminded him 3 times and been told ‘it will happen’ and ‘I will’ I can’t remember the last time he offered to pay for the day out with the kids - he earns triple what I do. I took us away for my birthday weekend. I paid for the hotel and meals. Then we celebrated with the kids and I paid the entire thing mini golf, meal and shrek world the weekend before. I want to plan things and he shuts me down. (Holiday... hotel bookings for a family trip -his family) I can’t remember the last time he looked at me and pulled me in tight and said ‘I love you’ I think we’re continuong because the kids all love each other and we started off AMAZING.
If I don’t plan is to see each other it wouldn’t happen.
On top of this. His ex wife asks him constantly to have thier daughter more. She works in the sex industry and takes cocaine. He knows this so has the daughter as much as possible but with her being in primary school he often has her at her mums house (ex marital home) or his parents and won’t bring her to me because of the journey to school which, means the future for us living together isn’t bright because of his shifts and the need for him to constantly have his daughter and there being no real routine. I can’t ask him to keep a routine for his daughter because then I’m asking him to choose. But, his wife knows that she hasn’t him right where she wants him. Childcare - bill paying - she even has him paying for cheerleading (she’s a coach so obviously wouldn’t pay for it I suspect but tells him he needs to pay) they also, on competitions both drive down together and he hangs out at the Home. It’s been 2+ years since they separated.
What do I do? I love him and my kids love him and he is a part of our lives now. But I keep going round in circles and he isn’t getting it. Today is valentines. I got no ‘sorry I’m not there flowers’ he has his daughter. Over night. It’s half term. Why can’t he drive over to mine and we all spend the evening together and then drive back in the morning for work and to give his daughter back to her mum? He just says ‘because I’m not’
His best friend is also her brother so hanging with his friends isn’t pleasurable either
Where do I go from now...
Please someone help me.