Feeling really lost

[sushilover17]

I posted on the AIBU thread to begin with but it's highlighted some further issues for me.

My DP and I booked flights last minute to go away this weekend. His choice of flight times meant he would no longer be able to go out with colleagues. The general consensus from a few replies was that he shouldn't go to this event at all. My DP wants to go before the flight and then go to the airport to get the flight.

Now this has highlighted an issue, I was suprised that people agreed he probably shouldn't go to the event. It starts at 2, flight is at 6pm and it's a drinking thing. The event is an hour from our home.

However, I said to DP that I don't think he should go, it'll cause too much stress and could give a bad vibe to the whole weekend away. He chose the flight times but if he'd chosen my flight times I wanted then he would have still been able to go fully.

Now his response is 'I will do both, I don't care about how you feel. I'm going'. It's just really upset me, he can be difficult but with holidays I never thought he'd be like it. I also thought such a minor event wouldn't cause this much issue. But he's intent on going.

I am 23, he is 29, we own a house together and bought it in the past few months. No DC.

I guess I'm asking for your general opinion. Would this be a red flag to you? It's just really upset me but I am quite a sensitive person.

How far away is the airport?
If the event starts at 2pm he won't be able to drink very much.
You need to be at the airport for 4pm.
I wouldn't be happy.
Can you have someone on standby to go with you if your 'D'P doesn't come back in time to leave for the airport?

If my partner said he didn’t care how I felt then yes I would be very hurt and upset.
What’s so important about the Work do that he’s desperate to go to it?
Has he got any problems with alcohol? Only asking as his colleagues are telling him not to go too so wondered if he had a habit of getting very drunk at these events!

I think he should be putting you first.

It's not so much a work do, his work colleagues are all on annual leave at the same time (guess the job) and they arranged this event. He was going to go with them and I wasn't bothered obviously.

We had been discussing going away for a weekend getaway Friday- Sunday but we left it too late and the price hiked in an hour. So he asked if we could go Thursday - Sunday instead as it reduced the price about £100pp and as it's only a city break, we didn't want to spend much.

I can't get annual leave at this time of year because of the job I do, so asked to work from home Friday so we can leave thursday evening. Which was all his idea.

He doesn't have an issue with alcohol in that sense, but he does like a drink and doesn't go out very often. This is the first set of colleagues that he's got on with well and that are sociable.

He seems desperate to go because of this 'fear of missing out fomo'
not sure why else. It's all just guys who I've met, all in long term relationships/married.

How on earth is he going to manage both? He's an idiot. You need to be at the airport at 4. The drinking thing is an hour away from home. What's the point?

So... a few questions:

Will he come home, pick you up and then go on to the airport? Or will he meet you there?
Will he have packed everything, set everything out, no input from you? Will he carry it with him or will you have to take it for him?
Would you get on the plane if he didn't make it?

He has been pretty dismissive of you... and he won't have time for more than 1 drink anyway! Unless, of course you'll be trotting round after him, making it all possible for him.

Pity you bought the house but good that you aren't married yet. You have time to work out whether he is the one for you!

I can't get annual leave at this time of year because of the job I do, so asked to work from home Friday so we can leave thursday evening. Which was all his idea.

WTF?

So you are working from home on Friday or just pretending to work from home on Friday but actually plan to be on holiday?

However in terms of your actual question, I wouldn’t be bothered that he wanted to do both as long as you think he will make it to the airport, depending on where you are going and if you only have hand luggage you probably don’t need to be there 2 hours early.

I would however have an issue that he doesn’t care what I think and I would be wondering why I wanted to still go away with him.

The doesn’t care what you think is probably a knee jerk to being told what to do as a grown man.

Surely at 29 he can timekeep and get back in time. Instead of saying you can’t why don’t you agree a cut off to be home by so you don’t put your flights at risk.

Honestly I think it’s rather disrespectful to insist on your way to begin with. Set out your thinking and come to a compromise. Perhaps pick him up on route and he has to be packed before hand? Perhaps be home 2 hrs before? Perhaps you’ll meet him at the airport? There are many shades of grey between the black and white view of the situation.

How far is the event from the airport and I assume he is going from the airport there

@boysnme, I would 100% have to work, you can see when you're online and this can easily be seen by my managers, they know where I'm going etc. So I respect them enough to ensure I don't take their trust for granted.

It's normal in my profession to not be able to take annual leave at this time but there is a lot of flexibility on where you work from as is a perk of the company - this he knows.

I had originally said to go for the lunch bit when we discussed it because that would mean seeing his friends without the risk of missing anything. He would be driving to the event whereas before he'd get a bus (bus will take 2 hours) so he could drink. I don't want him to risk going and getting carried away - has happened in the past.

I can't pick him up en route, 1) I don't have a car 2) it's in the complete opposite direction to the airport. 3) we had planned to get an uber to the airport which would be only about £15-20. This is cheaper and easier than trying to find last min parking.

Gosh I wouldn't go. Just reading this post and thread has made me stressed regarding timing! I mean it's your worst frigging nightmare being late for a flight and this numpty is pushing it even beforehand! If he doesn't go out very often or drink that much chances are he's going to be either hard cold sober and feel on a different wavelength to his colleagues and shitty and stressed with you or blindo, unable to get on the flight or not make the airport! Tell him you're going on your own because you can't be arsed with this pathetic stress overshadowing what should be, a romantic weekend away.

If hes driving then he cant/shouldnt drink anyway. Hes not gonna miss out on much between 2 and 3pm. People will turn up late, queue for a diet coke and then he will have to leave. Theres no issue in principle if thats what he wants to do and is likely to stick to his word, but seems like a big waste of time on his part.

He does realise that with a flight 2 hours is needed before hand. There is no way he will make it it’s just not feasible

Surely at 29 he is grown up enough to o realise

Did you make it to the airport