How troublesome is dealing with police and legal options over a relationship dispute?

[oneinthebox]

I have an ongoing dispute that's spiraling into a passive aggressive shit throwing match with no gain for me. I would be looking to pacify, compose my life and probably try and get some retrospective justice.

I am just worried about how much hassle the entire process is? I have never been through the police (I know) or judiciary system and the entire process seems quite scary for me.

What would be the first step in starting the ball rolling? I've have no idea whether I should stroll into a courts building and shout that I need help or what.

What sort of dispute are you having and with whom?

Sorry, I wrote a large post and decided against it. It's one of my parents who has shamed me into makes major changes to my life, with dire consequences to my finances, health and social life, and now it's looking like he's just passive aggressive and probably just bullying me, though the damage has already been done.

He's still doing it and it's an ongoing issue. I come from a situation where his entire wider family have all gotten very respectable life paths, and I slightly deviated from his perfect plan, though I suspect that from his actions he would have continued to shame me and 'attack' me even if I had followed his demands, which I don't think I should be forced to. And my life choices are still very respectable by most standards.

There's a lot more back story to this that makes this more serious but I'd rather leave that to the services that might help me. It's just that I've never gone to any situation like this before.

I'm not sure the police would be the best route unless you can show a course of conduct that causes you to feel harassed. Can you disengage totally and not fuel the imaginary fire he has going?

I'm not an expert, but for the police to be involved the person needs to have committed a crime. If they have, a solicitor could probably advise. Sometimes police take action without a person pressing charges iyswim, just depends if it's provable and in the public's interest, also I guess if they have time/resources/inclination.

Without much info my advice would be to see a solicitor who deals in family matters as the first port of call.

Has a crime been committed? Like fraud or has he stolen from you? If so, then I would call the non-emergency police number and make a report. You can also walk into the police station and speak to an officer.

If it’s a civil dispute (like a legal one but not a crime), you could set up an initial consultation with a solicitor for some advice. It’s hard to know without more details if either would be appropriate. Certainly a parent shaming a child over their life choices, while wrong, aren’t usually a legal or criminal matter. But it depends exactly what’s happened, like if he’s taken money from you, made threats, committed fraud, held you against your will, etc.

Unless a crime has been committed I'm not sure what you are expecting the police to do.

OP, I may be making massive assumptions here but is this honour based? If so there are lots of agencies that can assist you with moving on from the pressure.

OP I am currently going through a world of shite with my DPs as a result of their actions/inactions re my brother sexuallyabusing myself and my sister as children. They have been extremely toxic to me and my recovery and I have fought them to try and make them change and understand their actions.

Just very recently I realised I have been fighting the completely wrong battle all of these years. No matter what I say or do they will never understand the enormity of their actions. I actually can never change them. So i’ve stopped trying and now I am working solely on changing me. It has been a complete epiphany for me. It will take me a long time but at least I know I am capable of changing me and I am not wasting futile energy on them.

Actually, this could fall into the category of domestic abuse including financial abuse, emotional abuse and potentially harassment - depending on what's been going on.

Do you still live with your father?

Have a look at this, OP.
www.victimsupport.org.uk/crime-info/types-crime/domestic-abuse

Thanks for those links, I didn't realise abuse was classified as a crime, and I can certainly relate to many of the domestic abuse categories listed under the domestic abuse link . I think he hasn't done any robbery but I guess he hasn't kept to his side of financial agreements, and he can certainly be taken in for harassment issues too.

I used to think that he was about honour and didn't want to see me fail, and hence I would come to think that he has my best interests at heart, though I realise now that he will never be pleased. He has a history of being passive aggressive and refusing to provide support over issues like healthcare (refusing me treatment) and shaming me about nearly everything whilst refusing/removing support if I try to change those aspects about me. I've had social support workers call them abusive when I was younger but I was too young/feeble and family-trusting to do anything further.

I'm just a bit of a wreck due to the entire ordeal. There are certainly several legal issues I can take against him and I am sure that a lawsuit is highly possible (but I don't think the financial deceit is easy to classify as crime). As I said, I've never had a run-in with the police or legal system so I might be going down the wrong path here, but I do need to get some external help to stop him from continuing to torment me.

Maybe separate the different strands of what you need to do. Firstly, as you say, compose your life - work towards functioning as an independent adult, not beholden to this family member, detaching yourself emotionally and practically/financially. Then you'll be in a stronger position should you decide to seek justice for any previous/ongoing criminal activity - fraud, harassment etc. That's quite a big deal against a family member, though, and you may decide you prefer the peace of no contact.

Thanks for the advice there.

If I do need to compose my life I would probably need to get some sort of outside help involved in order to get some peace of mind. He's a fairly controlling person.

Is there anyone out there who has experience with dealing with police/legal services in respect to stuff like this? Is it fairly easy going or can it be quite draining? I'm worried I'm getting in the deep end.

I think any kind of change will feel it's getting worse first, and then get better, just because change is uncomfortable? So you need to be determined and push on through.
Victim support in the UK are very helpful in a range of situations, not just direct victims of crime.

Thanks Onlymeeeeee.

@scurryfunge Having re-read that, I often think Muslims get a disproportionate amount of charitable aid and help whereas other minorities don't really get the help they need.