I'm crap at friendships

[Difficulttimes17]

Hi.. I really need some advice about friendships.

My partners best friend was going out with a girl and we became friends even after she split up with him we stayed firm friends.

We did lots of things together last year but I started to realise she still like her ex which made me wonder if hee friendship with me as to stay close to him following different things she had said.

So we stayed friends with them both adter they split and we thought we woukd have a houde warming party and invited them both. We had a party for Halloween and they both although invited separately come to the party. She had slated him lots behind his back to everyone of her friends including me but I just thought she was being peed off.

She she then needed help raising money for a charity thing last year and I supported her with it.

On the night of Halloween party we had a drunken row in town. Which resulted in her slagging me off to everyone of her friends to the point theg unfriended me and posting things on social media ? We don't speak now but wondered if anyone has any advice xx

What a cow thats not your friend ure well rid of her don't give it head space be thankful she no longer ure friend and move on x

Hi op, that really sucks and from the sounds of it she sounds like a user and you are much better off, keep your head high and meet people who truly value your friendship and your kindness

Thanks a lot that's my thoughts as well but I have insecurity things around friendships. I start to question myself. O helped organise the whole charity event for her and spentt lots of time on it tto help her even though we were moving house. She had signed up for this trip and needed to raise a certain amount of money so wanted to help her out.

The event was a couple of days after the Halloween party so I didn't know she had been talking about me. I found out when her friends started to unfriend me one by one.

The argument was literally all of 5 mins and it was a stupid end of the night thing.. but she was upset with me as much as I was with her I just don't get how it can be twisted into me being this bad person.

I know I shouldn't really be upset but I didn't know she had slated me and still carried on with charity event for her doing face painting all day on my day off on top of organising l the stall holders as they arrived. She disappeared for 2 hours when they started to turn up and left me to it. You would have thought it was me who needs to raise the cash. I still went even after the row I just thought it was something of nothing and forget about it And then the whole time she was slating me. I just think she wanted to look the victim to get attention from her ex. But i just feel like an idiot now I spent time and money helping to organise the thing and I had only just moved house so was still unpacking sorting things and then slagged me off I just feel like a super super idiot that I didn't see who she was sooner then this.

Why I'm bringing this up is because she's started to send add requests on social media but I don't want to be friends with her anymore. She hasn't apologised for any of it even though she knows I know and hasn't directly tried to speak to me. Just wants to follow me cos I'm friends with her ex. I start to question myself that this whole friendship for 3 years was all just about him.

She has used you and wants to continue to use you. Plain and simple. From what you say she is definitely trying to be close to her ex through you/your OH

To be blunt, your insecurities make you an easy target for this and people like her.

Drop her totally. It will be a good exercise for you. Ask yourself "what's the worst that can happen?"

She might slag you off - so what (she's gonna do that anyway so no difference). She might block you - errrrr so what. She might get cross - so what.

We all have our insecurities/weaknesses. Anyone who says otherwise isn't being truthful. Acknowledge your insecurity (you have), accept your insecurity (maybe some work to do here) and make positive changes to your life/behaviours, which in this case is to totally cut a toxic person out of your life.

You're not rubbish at friendships. You're just too nice to some people that don't deserve it.

Good luck.

Thanks a lot Cuban that's really helpful advice. Your right sometimes I like confidence in my decisions when it comes to relationships, over think and question things. No one else was there during the argument and I guess that's what hurt me felt like I was being gossiped about by all these girls who weren't even there and were unfriending me on the back of what someone else had told them. We had never argued before and i just thought it would blow over. But it wasnt me just arguing with her it was her arguing with me too so I guess that's why I didn't get it. I was willing to think from.my side it was just a drunken row and forget about it. But all this became so much more and knocked me I guess. Your right I don't want to be friends with her and certainly not that desperate for her friendship that I need to be. I dont want her in my life in any form even on social media so not going to let her in. Your right I probs need to work on my own confidence and not give this further head space. Thank you