Does he really want to get married?

[Mumfromuk]

I’m questioning whether my OH really wants To get married. I fell pregnant with DD about a year into our relationship. My parents weren’t supportive and wanted an abortion. OH did too but I refused and he finally accepted but not really until after DD birth. We’ve lived together since then. DD nearly 5 and DS nearly 2. I was fed up and gave an ultimatum of a ring and marriage. Got the ring on Valentines last year. Now a year later still no date and OH avoids talking about it. I don’t think he’s ever going to marry me.

Do they rent? Or both home owners?
It’s clear the OH doesn’t want to marry her but it’s not clear whether she’s losing out financially etc

He owns the home she does not work. He has quite a comfortable and calm so unless he was willing to give her maintenance in a good amount she will struggle financially . But my sister is a dreamer and wants a fantasy relationship that she’s not going to get from her 0H

income not and calm

She isn't going to get the fantasy relationship. But she could do with being married for legal protection.

If they split up as things stand she can only claim child support from him. Not anything for herself. So as she isn't working this will mean living on tax credits or having them to top up her income if she starts working. They will stop when the kids grow up, so she either is poor, works more, or depends on another bloke.

Moral of the story, never depend upon a man financially unless you are married.

Is everything else good? If it is - and he's a good partner and father then you could mentally decide to stay but put yourself first in terms of career and financial security. Don't sacrifice anything to make his life easier.
Think how much stronger you'll feel in 3 years or 10 years time (I appreciate your DS is only 2 so might not be working full-time yet) when you have a good career, high income, plus a home or share of property in your name.
You might see him coming running if you make that mental shift.

Why does your sister want to be married? To have a wedding? To keep up with her friends? To feel more secure in the relationship, either financially or emotionally? Because if she can make him do what she wants, it will prove he really loves her?

Why do you think her DP is dragging his feet? Does he not want the fuss of a wedding? And the expense? Or is he really not committed to the relationship? He's settled for now, but he's drifted into this relationship and can imagine meeting someone he loves more in the future?

If your sister could really envisage leaving and turning her dcs' lives upside down and being worse off financially just because he's wedding-phobic, then I'd say she doesn't love him, either. Or is being a manipulative princess.

She does need to make sure she has some legal protection for herself and the dcs, but to do that in a context of 'you do this, or I'll walk out' is beyond daft in its reasoning. What if he calls her bluff?

I'd be walking in that position...

Men often aren't that fussed about getting married. It's a lot of expensive showy faff and they don't get to wear the pretty dress etc. Plus he owns the house and has the income, so financially it benefits her a lot more than him.

But, given the ultimatum, he stepped up didn't he? So perhaps he doesn't want to lose her. I know this isn't most women's romantic fantasy proposal/wedding etc but life isn't like the movies. Time for her to issue the next ultimatum, I think. And to be prepared to walk away if he doesn't step up again.