Old memories of DV brought back up

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Ok for background - I was in an emotional and physical abusive relationship when I was younger and have suffered with depression since.

The other night DP and I were joking about something and he kicked me (it wasn't really hard and he wasn't angry) but it already have a pain there so it actually hurt. I told him it hurt and he apologised straight away and gave me a cuddle but all I could think was that it's happening again. He said again how sorry he was and I said it's ok but I was trying not to cry.

Since then I've had horrible nightmares about him hurting me and flashbacks of the abuse. I think he's going to notice something is wrong with me and I would feel stupid trying to explain to him. I don't even know why I'm posting really. Is this normal to feel like this? Should I explain how I'm feeling or just get over it. I feel so pathetic getting this worked up over a silly accident

Why do you think this is your brain rather than him?

I can’t understand why a kick is ever acceptable and abusers often start with a ‘joking’ kick/pinch/slap...

You're not silly op. Sometimes there are unexpected triggers after an abusive relationship. I had a few come up with my (non-abusive) dh when we first met.

As long as you are sure that your partner shows you no red flags at all I think you should have a proper talk about how you felt when he kicked you. If he's a good sort he'll understand and know that from time to time these things may happen and why you are so upset when they do.

Also he needs to know that any playfighting is unacceptable to you.

Partner kicking me would always be a red flag to me @magicfajita

The difference, my lovely, is he gave you a cuddle and immediately apologised.
The echo is completely understandable - but its not related to him, just to the accidental pain of that moment triggering a memory.
Does he know about the abuse? Talk to him. He sounds a good 'un.

No, that really says nothing. You think abusers don’t apologise?

It may or may not be related to him...

You don’t know, I don’t know.

What I do think is how is kicking someone ever a joke?

Why would anyone kick someone they loved as a joke?

If he did it (genuinely) accidentally then apologised and comforted fair enough...

But kicking someone deliberately for a joke - why?

It's totally fine to feel this stuff. Not silly at all. Your emotions ARE important. Accept and honour them. They want to come out so you can move in on your life without them. Talk about it to your partner, but also your friends, and maybe a councillor, write about them in a notebook

I would tell him. Have you thought about councilling to help you move forward on this? If your not privately ensured may be you could afford a few sessions privately. I've known it be very helpful help people to come to terms with quite complex issues.