Should I text Father

[SecretSantaaaaaa]

I wrote on here a while back regarding my Father and how I blocked him on FB after seeing him commenting homophobic remarks on posts (I am gay).

I went NC for a bit but then decided to message him at Christmas to ask when I could drop his gift to him. He never replied.

There is a lot of history of abuse (verbal) and he is generally a horrible man.

I had a lot of helpful messages on here and left him to it.

A few days ago I spoke to my Brother who told me he had received a drunk text from my dad saying I had upset him by blocking him.

Well today is my birthday and he couldn't evenbe bothered to message me. I want to text him and tell him to fuck off but should I just leave it?

I feel so sad, he is an asshole but he is my dad and he isnt in great health and I know I would feel bad if anything happened.

He has been horrid over the years but we have had better times. I dont know, I guess I knwo the answer but cant help feeling down.

My mother passed away when I was 9 so he is the only parent I have

Happy Birthday, enjoy your friends and family and don't use today to try and 'settle a score' with someone who will cause you upset.

I get that, OP I really do. I have NC with my toxic father for 26 years - and I regret NOT a single moment. I have 3 lovely kids that he's never met. His loss.

I've never had a birthday card in that time. Not a christmas card. I had gifts returned, in the early days. My kids have never had a single acknowledgement of them from him in their lives.

I have no idea if he is alive or dead. He's dead to me tho, and I couldn't care less if he is 'upset' by me going NC. No shits given.

It takes time to get to that stage tho. It took many years of coming to terms with having a totally disinterested, selfish, twat of a father before I decided to only have people who loved me in my life.

Hi Elisen, You sound like a very brave person.

Do you mind me asking what made you go NC? Was there a big showdown or just a gradual distancing?

Was actually a bit of a showdown. He had an affair with a OW only a few years older than me. Blamed me ( I was in a different country!) and decided I was the one who had lost him the respect of his peers (by making a complaint to his boss - he'd brought the company into disrepute) not him, by having an affair. He returned a christmas present I'd sent a few weeks later. He caused my mum to have MH issues and try to commit suicide. I had to pick up those pieces. And it was everyone else's fault.

I dropped him like a hot brick. My family still occasionally try to guilt me ('but he's your father!') but as I say, he's no father to me and no GF to my kids.

I know it's hard. You want so much to have a father, someone you can go to, lean on, depend on. I look at people who are 'daddy's girl's with amazement. My father will never come and help with the car. I could never sit beside him and feel the love. (even before the affair, I couldn't. He was a distant and cold parent, so there is not much to miss, there)

It's totally your choice, but I'd be v annoyed at your brother - I used to get the guilt-trips 'but he's your father' from the wider family (and from people who didn't know) and it is very difficult to break away from this mindset that you should love him, simply because you share DNA.

My life is full of people who have no other connection to us, other than they love us. Which is more than he does.

I hope this helps. It's not easy. It helps to be angry and it's normal to be hurt.

Thank you for your response, it has helped me gain perspective; in particular your comment it is very difficult to break away from this mindset that you should love him, simply because you share DNA

OP,

HE'S upset that you blocked him? Tough. He's upset because you are not playing his way and staying in contact to get an earful (or should that be screenful?) when he feels like it.

I'm sure you do feel like telling him to eff off, but that'll only please him because it means that you can still be hurt by him.

Extend your birthday to today as well and don't bother with him.