Can you be codependent and in love?

[Mummyanne]

I know I am very dependant on my partner. Ive always been like this. However I know that I'm in love with him and I can feel it as almost a deprecate emotion to the co dependancy. As much as I know I love him I'm being told that this is not possible? Any advice?

Separate emotion**

Read up about non-attached/detached love. I use to be very dependent on partners in the past and then I found this concept. It has changed my life entirely and am so much happier.

Who is telling you?

I think co depencency can be on a scale and perhaps also changes over your lifetime.
What makes you believe you are co dependant?

If you have to query and analyse it, it seems that you aren't in love or you'd just "be", in whatever form that takes. Rather than attaching a label. But love is different things to different people so maybe you are, I don't know. But can't see how it can be dissected, or why it even should.

@helpme1011 @Hermonie2016 @MistressDeeCee

I don't necessarily dissect my love, it was for the purposes of this statement. I am very dependant on him in a sense he makes me feel comfort and support however I haven't always been like this with him but I do know that I have always loved him from the get go. Just being around him and embracing him I can feel our love connection however I suffer from anxiety and when someone tells me something such as you're not in love and u can't be codependent and in love i can't just clear that thought from my head even though I know it's false

In what way exactly are you dependent on him? Does this dependency restrict your life in any way? Are you able to function normally if he isn't in the immediate vicinity or are you crippled by anxiety?

@MattBerrysHair

It doesn't effect me too much but I do get very lonely I do function normally, but i do rely on him sometimes for support with my severe anxiety and depression

So you can go to places alone, get housework done, see friends and family etc alone?

Yes I can @MattBerrysHair

If you have severe anxiety and depression then you are unwell. Any illness might lead to a reliance on one's partner.
I think calling you "co-dependent" under the circumstances is terribly unfair.

@maxthemartian

Thank you, I thought so too. I think the anxiety and other issues cause problems however the love is still there

I agree with Max. You don't sound co-depandant, just ill and in need of a bit of suppor, which is totally normal in a healthy relationship.

If you are dependent on him then it is actually him who is co dependent, not you.

You know that depending on someone and being co-dependent are two different things?

It sounds like someone has read an article about co-dependency, listened to you saying "I really depend on my partner's support" and gone AH-HA! YOU'RE CODEPENDENT!

You can have a look at this checklist if you feel you may be co-dependent.
coda.org/index.cfm/meeting-materials1/patterns-and-characteristics-2011/

Co-dependency is very common in people who've grown up in dysfunctional families.

You can have some measure of co-dependency without that meaning that your relationship is toxic or that you don't really love each other. Some of your responses and reactions within the relationship might be unhealthy, but that can be worked on.

Notthefordtype that was a really useful website.

@NotTheFordType

I just looked at the website; I do have some of the traits where as I don't have others. So I'm in between really.

I agree with you, I believe you can have traits of it that you can work on and also be in love with you partner.
Thanks