What is a ‘normal’ reaction to seeing this?

[suckysnow]

Been seeing a guy about 3/4 months, but have known him 2 years before that. It’s got serious quite quickly because of our shared social group, we see each other most days even for just a coffee or something. Talk on and off all day - so quite intense I would say.

Have just seen on Facebook he has commented on a girls photo and put “why hello sexy 😍” and I feel strangely offended. I know who the girl is and I am vaguely confident there is nothing going on (she lives abroad) it just feel it’s a bit disrespectful?

Am I overreacting? I’ve been single 10 years before this and have had a lot of counselling after an abusive relationship previously, so am aware I need to analyse my reactions to things sometimes.

Fuck that! Did I read it right, he didn’t answer the phone to her in front of you? Because she likes to talk on FaceTime till she falls asleep ???!!!!
What the actual fuck?!
He didn’t answer the phone as was worried what you would hear.
The comment on her pic is out of order when he’s in a relationship with you.
You’re not over reacting.
If I were you I’d dump him now, not even say why , don’t waste your breath or energy. He’ll only make up some more bullshit and have you questioning your sanity.
Let others fawn over him, you’re worth more.

He clearly wants to engage with the woman and if you say anything he will play it down. Yes, I'd be hurt if my partner did this. The fact it was online for all to see is awful

I'd be hurt over the fb comment and I agree the FaceTime thing is weird. I'd have a frank conversation about what you feel is appropriate when in a relationship and if he doesn't agree then cut your losses.

He fancies her. Plain as the nose on your face. Sorry.

Getting serious quickly has left you powerless. He has you right where he wants you, meanwhile he is free to continue to act like he is single. I’d back off a bit if I were you. He sounds like a bit of a prat, with his minor celebrity and his need for adoration and affirmation from young women. He needs to realise that you have options and he’s going to have to impress you to keep you.

I was just going to say...it’s the sleeze factor isn’t it? That’s what making you go ‘ugh’. He’s the type of man who messages much younger women online with inappropriate comments. If they were the same age it would still be sleezy but the fact that he is in his 50s while she’s in her 20s makes it doubly so. He’s being a creep. No wonder you’re feeling icky about it. It’s icky.

I agree that he fancies her. She may fancy him and he knows it so he's keeps no that interest there. Are you sure nothing has gone on in the past?

Do you know her history? I'm trying to think about the protective element your talking about here - why is he talking to until she sleeps, what are they talking about, why not answer in front of you? If it was nothing to hide he would talk openly imo.

The sexy FB comment. That would hurt me to. Especially in the public environment where your social circles mix. She must know about you also!! What response was given to that comment? What post was it to warrant that and did everyone say the same? Are you FB friends with her yourself? If she's been through rubbish and he said it as a pick me up then I might understand. But she's young enough to be his daughter so it's not really appropriate

He called a 20 odd year old woman “sexy” and he’s in his 50s, and in a relationship with you?

Sorry but he sounds a tad if a perv. And talking to her in FaceTime until she falls asleep is equally weird.

I couldn’t put up with that kind of behaviour. And the fact he’s doing that right in front of you, on FB shows he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong.
I wonder what else he’s got up his sleeve?

Don't forget OP, men will say bloody anything to get laid - 'yes I want a long term rose-tinted future with you' being an example. They say one thing but their intent is something else. So you might have had the chat about where you wanted the relationship to go and his responses may have been genuine - or just crafted to ensure he can get laid (sorry OP and I could be wrong). It has the feel of wanting to be a proper relationship for you, but more like friends with benefits for him (he just hasn't told you that). I hope you can have a decent chat about it.

I also have loads of male friends who I would have said an “eh up sexy” type comment too

Same here. But that's not the same thing, surely you can see that?

Honestly? I'd end it.

You might not want to but I've met enough men since separating from my husband to know exactly what my dealbreakers are. And this would be one of them.

I'd rather be single than with someone who I didn't feel fully respected me.

This would be a deal breaker for me, more because it's utterly inane than because it would suggest he was cheating.

more because it's utterly inane than because it would suggest he was cheating.

Yep this.

Seeing anyone post "hello sexy" would make me respect them a bit less. It's cheesy and icky.

Urgh, he sounds really sleazy.

You're worth more than this OP. I hope that you know that

Oh dear.
He sounds like a middle-aged saddo to me.
Posting the sexy comment, talking on FaceTime until she falls asleep and getting drunk while socialising - he thinks he's in his 20's rather than mid fifties.
He's not grown up yet and I'd bet good money that it was this sort of stuff that led to his divorce.
Dump him OP and find a grown up to share your life with.