So, I’m posting here in the hope that someone may be able to shed some light on the behaviours of my wife and let me know if I’m just crazy or not.
The first weekend of the new year, my wife of 15 months (together for close to 6 years) out of the blue went out one Saturday night, completely lost contact with me and didn’t return home. I was worried sick, called her parents, her sister, no response. She texted me a one liner at about 10pm saying I’m fine, I’m out with work. I returned home and went to sleep, I woke up at around 8am and tried calling/texting her again. She replied saying she had stayed at a male work colleagues house. She returned home later that day and although she apologised for her behaviour, she didn’t seem remotely remorseful. I asked her if anything had happened with male coworker and she said no. I asked if she had feelings for this person, again she said no. We talked about how her behaviour was unacceptable and we agreed to work together to try and push the relationship forward. I must stress that our relationship had shown no signs of distress before this. We had a wonderful Xmas and new year! We slept with each other on the Sunday after she stayed out.
The next week though was absolute hell, she was snappy and short with me, miserable and not affectionate in the slightest. I felt like I was walking on egg shells all week. The friday came and she was again in a miserable mood. I sat down with her, said I couldn’t do another weekend like the week we just had and said I would move in with my parents for the weekend to give her some space. We met back up on the Sunday and talked and she said she felt like we were more like friends now and it didn’t feel like a passionate relationship anymore. She said she wanted to separate and divorce. Obviously I was heartbroken and shocked, she said she felt like she needed to be single again (we’re both 27 years old). I asked her again about the Saturday night and if she had feelings for this work colleague and again she denied it. I asked about the possibility of an emotional affair and again she denied it.
I then moved out and in with my parents but remained in touch with my wife who didn’t seem to be willing to absolutely call it quits. The texts we shared that week suggested she would consider a reconciliation. I tried so hard to explain how much I loved her and how much I wanted to fight for this. The weekend came around and met again to talk. However, this time she admitted that she had probably had an emotional affair with her work colleague and that she had feelings for him. This was like a knife to the heart and I was/still am absolutely broken by it. I asked why she hadn’t told me the truth and she said she wanted to protect me. She said things never got physical which means that she’s done nothing wrong. I’d obviously disagree with that view on it. I tried again to convince her that she was making a snap judgement and she’d only known this guy for 6 months. She was adamant it wasn’t worth fighting for and told me I should file for divorce against her.
The following week I popped back to the house to collect my belongings bit by bit as I didn’t want to live in the marital home. Too many memories. On the Friday night when I returned she wasn’t in, her work handbag was on the stairs and sitting pretty on top was an open and half used box of condoms. Obviously I was horrified by this and texted her immediately saying that I’d found them and I wanted her out of the house immediately and I would move back in. The thought of her sleeping with another man in our bed when we hadn’t even filed for divorce was just sickening. She claimed the condoms weren’t hers and I was overreacting but outright refused to explain how they get there. She has never carried condoms in the 6 years we’ve been together.
The following weekend, as in the weekend just gone she returned to collect some stuff from the house and we got talking. I asked if she was sleeping with this guy now and she basically admitted it without actually saying the words. she was very smug about the whole situation and was giggling when she was telling me. Needless to say I was horrified and disgusted by this!
Now I’m doing my best to handle this with as much dignity as possible, even though i Just want to scream and breakdown every day.
She refuses to outright say she cheated on me and refuses to outright say she is/has been sleeping with him. I’ve filed the divorce papers now on th grounds of adultery and cited a couple of occasions where I suspect she may have slept with him which she hasn’t contested which I’m taking as an admission.
However, what I want to know is. Is it normal for someone to just outright deny wrongdoing even with fairly strong evidence against them? Is it normal for the person mainly contributing to the breakdown of th marriage to show no remorse whatsoever? She won’t talk to me about it all. Says it’s none of my business and she doesn’t owe me an explanation.
With every passing minute i feel more like I’ve had a lucky escape here. However, it’s hard knowing I’ll never know the truth to aid with my closure. Just wanted to know if this type of behaviour is ‘normal’ or if I’ve just been married to a crazy person all along without knowing it!