Giving oh space

[1940gal]

Thoughts appreciated...

So I'm driving my OH crazy. I've been off work for a few months now with spinal fractures, and I'm waiting on surgery. I'm fairly immobile.... can't drive at present and can only walk short distances with crutches and a spinal brace.

My OH has said several times that they are sick of the sight of me at home.... which I appreciate to a degree.... but I literally can't get out anywhere.

How can I give my OH more time alone???

The way she speaks to you is disgusting. Have you let her know that in no uncertain terms? If not, you need to. What's the situation with your home?

Mortgaged in her name

I asked my ex several times if he wanted out and he never admitted it - incapable of making a decision / not wanting to be the bad guy. Found out later that he was complaining about me to his affair partner the whole time. Your partner's actions are telling you the opposite of her words, so I wouldn't rely on what she says too much.

Do you think you can stand up to her and say that her behaviour is shockingly awful right now?

It does sound like you could really do with at least a temporary separation right now, for your own sanity, but you would need help to find temporary accommodation and look after yourself. I don't suppose she would help you, would she?! If it means you are "out of her sight" as a result?

She's no longer interested in you.

Start saving. This sounds like you are well into the down spiral to me and she’s not invested anymore. Do what you can to protect yourself and look at your options.

Thank you all for your replies..

Crikey I didn't think it was that bad! I thought she was just being a moo.... but this has really given me a lot to think on

I'm completely stuck

But not forever.
Does she work? Why is she sitting in the house complaining she's with you all the time.
Plan to get out. She's being hateful.
Has she started an affair with this woman but doesn't want to tell you because of your injuries? Hope not.

How can I give my OH more time alone???

After reading the majority of the thread....leave the bitch.

Look at it this way. Being as considerate as you can, basically being a doormat, hasn't made her any nicer to you. So you have little to lose in standing up for yourself. When she says she's fed up of seeing you there, tell her you're fed up of being disabled, stuck at home and being spoken to like shit, so she's not the only one who's unhappy. Say to her that she needs to be honest about whether she has lost her feelings for you, but if she's saying that she doesn't want to end things, then she needs to stop being such a bitch. Back me or sack me as football managers might say.

Thank you all for the replies. It's such a relief to be able to just vent.

She works Mon to Fri 9-5.

As for an affair..... like I mentioned, the 'friendship is incredibly intense. I don't think there's anything physical going on.... but certainly emotionally there is. Countless times I've challenged her about it... and it always ends in a row. When I say how it makes me feel the reply is 'I'm not responsible for your feelings. The kids have picked up on it and the woman's name is virtually taboo in our house.

Two weeks ago a friend collected me to stay at her home for a couple of nights. It was lovely.. she took care of me (cooked nice meals, hired me a wheelchair and took me shopping). Her hubby (A physio) helped me with some exercises and her kids were so sweet (drew me lots of pictures and we crafted) . I came home feeling positive and rested. But when I came home a huge row ensued (I'd left the house in a state - hadn't done the ironing!) And I'd not done an online shop . I pointed out that actually I do keep the home nice ..and so by me being away perhaps she'd realise just how much I do. But then the row ended with me in tears because id bought some £8 pyjamas from Primark and how dare I when I'm on half pay :(

Sorry you are going through all this 1940

In a way, it doesn't matter if she is having an affair or not. What matters is she treats you badly.

Saying 'I am not responsible for your feelings' is just a way of shutting you up. She is showing that she doesn't give a shit about your feelings. It's not the behaviour of a loving partner.

Please read what other posters are saying.

She doesn't give a damn about you. She seems to be invested too heavily in her friendship with this woman, and has cast you aside without a second thought. No one who cares for someone would treat them in such a poor way - like you are a hired servant. How dare she speak to you like dirt?

I think it may be time to start getting your things together and consider moving out. Give her what she wants - you out of her sight. What an awful, cold, callous woman she is. At least you know that when the chips are down you can't rely on her.

I started another thread and posted this....

Things just seem to go from bad to worse.

Yesterday the kids and I made her a meal to come home to, set the table nicely, flowers and the kids made her a home made card to say 'welcome home'. It was hardly acknowledged and the food was just criticised. The kids seemed oblivious (maybe due to the fact that they have a new hamster so they're pre occupied with him) .... but I just sobbed all evening at the build up and let down.

Come 2200 a row ensued.... the usual, money,my weight gain, the fact I'd left a pan to soak.. ..

Went to bed in tears and woke up to silence....

Last week I sat down and asked her if she wanted either a break or a separation. She said no to both but admitted our rship was on the rocks. She refused couples counselling. She told me if I left she'd tell the kids I'd abandoned them

So not only is she being a bitch to someone who has potentially a life changing injury she's also using emotional blackmail. Gee, what a catch she is

Times like this are when you need support, sympathy, understanding and just simple kindness. To know that you are living with an empathetic human being. Sorry but she sounds bloody awful.

She sounds a bit nuts to be honest.

So she doesn't want a break.
She doesn't want a separation.
But she knows you're on the rocks.
But she isn't willing to go to counselling?

And now the threat to say that to the kids?

She sounds hideous! You do not deserve to be treated in such an appealing way.

The friends you stayed with sound lovely. Could you stay with them again? Do you have any family you could stay with? I think if you stay until your operation you'll lose the plot/will to live. There must be somewhere else you can go?

She sounds insane and you deserve so much better. I'm so so sorry you're going through all of this, your thread had honestly made me want to cry 😢
I think it's probably worse than you realise, you're being abused.

I think for your own sanity you may need to stop trying to please her, as you cannot please her whatever you do.

Reasons for not wanting to go to counselling may include being afraid that the counsellor will uncover an affair through probing, not wanting to lie to the counsellor about an affair or her feelings, or having other plans anyway that make counselling irrelevant.

And now she's using the kids for emotional blackmail.
Please get out sooner rather than later.
This is no good at all for your mental health.
You need to look after yourself right now.

I would also call this relationship abusive towards you as well 1940gal. Joint counselling is a pointless exercise when there is abuse of any type within the relationship.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is NONE.

She just wants you around now to abuse as and when she feels like it, also she does not want separation because she would rather you do it and then she can say to all her friends mournfully, "oh she left me". I would move out asap; this is well and truly over bar the shouting now.