should I apologise to friend who ghosted me

[pumpkinlatte1]

My OH and I have another couple that we used to often go out with. After new years, they stopped returning our texts, and by about mid-January we came to the conclusion they ghosted us. At first we didn't know why, then another mutual friend informed us that they were annoyed with us due (what transpired to be) to a misunderstanding over NYE plans.
Fast forward this weekend, and the one of the couple got in touch and basically had a go at my OH, telling him what a bad friend he had been, and that my OH must stop messing up, and that they were testing our friendship to see if we would realise we had messed up, and we must go apologise before we can all be friends again. (umm... is this pre-school? we are all over 40, with one of them being 54)
I really don't want to apologise, they ghosted us, and as far as I am concerned, they should apologise for doing that instead of coming out at the beginning of January and telling us that they were annoyed with us. (at which point, I am prepared to say sorry for the mix up)
I am stuck with this inner turmoil as maybe I should just be the bigger person and for the sake of a friendship (my OH has been friends with them for 20 years), but then the other part of me just thinks, nah, I will be constantly worrying if we are being good friends, or are we messing up again, or are they keeping score, are they going to ghost us again (they have previously ghosted another couple, and never spoke to them again).
Any ideas how to handle this?

God no, don't apologise. They sound hideous, petty and spiteful. Happily wave them goodbye!

What does your OH say?

I would have apologised for the misunderstanding once I’d found out about it but I wouldn’t want any kind of continuing relationship with some who said that they were
“testing our friendship”.

They want you to beg for their friendship. Personally, I wouldn’t.

It depends a lot on the nature of the "misunderstanding" over NYE.

If you said you would spend it with them, but got a better offer and sacked them off, then they have every reason to be peed off.

If it was a genuine misunderstanding, e.g. you both went to different pubs with the same name, then time to apologise mutually, and laugh over it.

The NYE misunderstanding involved deciding on the 26th, that we would meet at a pub near home. I forgot to tell the OH this (hence my readiness to apologies) We spent Christmas at In-laws by the coast, and were given the opportunity to stay on until the 3rd, given that we didn't have to go back to work. OH texted them on the 29th to say that we would be staying on, and they seemed ok with it (a few texts back and forth where all seemed ok). Then NYE hit, and bam...ghosted. I think they thought we were out with other friends having a fabulous bash, whereas in reality, it was just the two of us in a local pub by the sea.
OH is in two minds about what to do. I think the friendship is over no matter what happens now, but am debating about being the bigger person (I am worried we will look like the baddies for not apologising)

You have nothing to apologise for! They are bonkers!
Ignore and let them go. Who wants friends like that?

The NYE misunderstanding involved deciding on the 26th, that we would meet at a pub near home. I forgot to tell the OH this (hence my readiness to apologies) We spent Christmas at In-laws by the coast, and were given the opportunity to stay on until the 3rd, given that we didn't have to go back to work. OH texted them on the 29th to say that we would be staying on, and they seemed ok with it (a few texts back and forth where all seemed ok)

Hmmm...it seems like there's a bit of missing information here, OP. You forgot to tell your OH that you had arranged to meet them, yet he messaged them anyway to let them know you would be staying on?

Is what actually happened that you:
Arranged to spend NYE with them
Got a better/more convenient offer
Didn't bother to with explaining to them honestly what had happened and apologising, just sent a vague "we're not back until the 3rd" text and left them to figure it out?

if so, I can see why they're upset. You ought to apologise for messing them around. But you don't have to stay friends with them - they seem a bit childish.

I would contact them to say you are sorry you didn’t meet up on NYE but that you were making the most of the time spent with family and you wrongly assumed they’d understand that having given 2 days notice of the change of plans.