Toxic relationship book suggestions?

[Clarabumps]

My best friend has a pattern for having toxic relationships with narcissistic men. They end in catastrophe normally with them ending it and her begging for them to stay. Not to give too much away, I think she is addicted to unsuitable men. (Despite hating their guts)
I'm at a loss as how to help her, I've listened and been supportive but ultimately I feel she needs professional help.

Does anyone have any good books to start her off? She is very much aware that her behaviour is self destructive. Until she gets to a counsellor?

YES!

this one is very good:

The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00EV407GI/ref=cmswwrcppapi_2PwGAb8CYSPTM

It explains the Codependent/Manipulator relationship and discusses Narcissism.

Brilliant- thank you so much!

I know someone who would find this delightful.

How to Break You Addiction to Person by Howard Halpern. It's about why people in that toxic set up are dealing with an emotional addiction.

www.amazon.co.uk/How-Break-Your-Addiction-Person/dp/0553382497?tag=mumsnetforum-21

I had/have a friend who was like this - tbh you are wasting your time trying to help her. People who behave like that are fulfilling a function for themselves - very often its about emotionally avoiding the pain of a "real" relationship.

I know that the common answer to this is "therapy" but from what I've seen, I think therapy is just useless. The best it can do is give someone a deeper understand of why they behave the way they do; it doesn't actually stop it.

Low self esteem is the root cause I think. "I am so worthless no one can really love me" => "I'm too paralysed by fear of being rejected for being worthless to be open to a relationship with someone who could love me and is available" => "Rather than face up to the face that deep down I feel worthless and unloveable, I will fixate on this unavailable/toxic man. That way I can pretend to myself I am normal and open to and capable of loving. If only he would love me back, my life would be perfect" => "Oh look, his shitty treatment of me confirms how worthless and unlovable I am" => "I feel so worthless no one could love me." and round we go.

Wow paper I'm going to show someone that.

Wow Paper spot on :)
Another book which is good:
Women who love too much .
Think it's by Robin Needwell.

I'd be interested to know if anyone knows anyone (or has themselves) who has successfully overcome this kind of cycle through therapy and if so what kind of therapy.

My friend is still in exactly the same situation after 8 years of hell with a true bastard of a narcissist. Married as well - the toxic man not my friend.

I would also like to know if anyone has cured themselves of toxic relationship behavior? I might post another thread about it. I actually suggested that she goes to AA, and do the steps. It's like an addiction. I can't help anymore. I'm not equipped to do so and I've seen her through the past few years of it crashing and burning. I now just sound like I'm lecturing her, which I don't want either. I want her to be well. I feel it's out with my capabilities now as I don't have the tools. Saying the truth to someone won't make them see it with their own eyes.

Clarabumps-

There is something called CODA which is similar to AA but it is for codependency. Also sex and love addiction meetings follow the twelve steps.

Another thing she could look into and read up on is non attached love.

I was very similar to your friend and I have broken the cycle.

That's great to hear! It does seem similar to addiction. I've given her a book about co dependency and it seems to be hitting home. I just want her to be well, she knows why these people are wrong but when she's in it she seems powerless.