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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do I make him leave

9 replies

Wannabecitygirl · 12/02/2018 07:46

Yesterday I found out my husband has been lying to me. He’s spent our entire saving on cocaine and gambling. He says it’s being going on for years yet I have been completely unaware. I feel like such an idiot as I genuinely had no idea. Last night I gave him the option of moving to his mothers (100 Miles away), or me and our children will move in with my parents (very close) while we decide what to do.

A bit of background, years ago (pre-children) we went through a similar thing where he spent a huge amount on online games and weed. I gave him an ultimatum. He went to the GP and asked for counselling, and I really believed he had changed. A couple of weeks ago I thought he was acting differently and wondered if he’d started smoking weed again, but really wasn’t expecting it to be anything like coke or gambling.

Now morning is here I don’t know what to do. Am I right asking him to leave or should stay together while he works through this? If he moves in with his parents then he won’t see the children often and I’m terrified of hurting them too. As I said earlier, I could move in with my parents temporarily, but it wouldn’t be ideal as it would mean the kids and me sleeping in one room on camp beds... plus I don’t really want to admit to them how bad things are.

OP posts:
Bananmanfan · 12/02/2018 07:49

Stay in the house with the DCs. It would probably be good for your DH to go to his parents' and admit what he has been doing.Flowers

NewSingleMummy · 12/02/2018 07:52

Stay in the family home with your children. It's too unsettling moving them. Your husband is in the wrong, he should be the one to leave.

I'm currently going through something similar after my husband gambled away our savings for the second time. Always hear if you want to talk.

Olicity17 · 12/02/2018 07:55

I moved out, into my parents when me and stbxh split.

Dont do it. Its awful. He needs to go

WeAreEternal · 12/02/2018 08:02

Do not leave the family home.

He needs to leave, if he doesn’t want to stay with his parents he can sort something more local out, but that isn’t your problem. He needs to go.

Wannabecitygirl · 12/02/2018 13:06

So he has now left and I feel pretty empty.

OP posts:
DriggleDraggle · 12/02/2018 13:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShatnersWig · 12/02/2018 13:42

Wanna I assume you will be divorcing him?

ShatnersWig · 12/02/2018 13:44

OP You might also want to read this recent thread. Not hugely dissimilar really.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3160655-How-can-I-forgive-my-bf-for-lying-about-taking-drugs-behind-back

Kikashi · 12/02/2018 14:20

Don't move the DC- stay in the house. Having to cope with your heartbreak and your parents and cramped conditions will be unsettling for the children. Could he sofa surf locally or rent a studio on Air BnB for a bit. You need to put your DC and yourself first and stop organising how he will stay in touch with the DC - if he needs to go to his parents, let him.

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