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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just struggling

8 replies

stilllookingforthehills · 11/02/2018 20:46

Gosh I'll try to brief. Early 40's parents to children under 5. Both with successful careers until a couple of years ago. Husband has been in and out of work contracting for a couple of years now so we rely on tax credit and JSA something we've never had before. Our marriage is on the brink and we argue daily. I have absolutely no interest in being a mother and dread the role daily as soon as they wake up.

We're behind with every single household bill and the mortgage now is in such arrears. The mortgage company have informed us repossession is the next move. Can't recall being this sad during my life and I'm starting to withdraw from friends.

I feel walking away from everything would be an option. I don't any point going to see a GP he'll just put me on medication. My husbands work is so unique it's very difficult to get a job in his field and so many PHD students coming through he's not getting a look in. I'm crying typing this and my heart is breaking for the life before children. How did we end up on the brink of loosing our home? Scraping money to feed our children? Just want some hand holding really. I'm so sad just want it all to end. Thank you for listening.

OP posts:
Cricrichan · 11/02/2018 21:04

I'm so sorry to hear this. Would you going to work be an option?

Disquieted1 · 11/02/2018 21:07

Life can throw all kinds of stuff at us. Can't offer any practical advice as I don't know the situation well enough, but I hope that you can stay strong.

All the best.

fos6mo3 · 11/02/2018 21:15

The child in my who had a mother who was depressed and struggles wants to answer your children didn't want to be born,

But the adult would say go and see your doctor you're clearly depressed please think about the positives
In your life and think of a way you can change things.

Remember for your children they want your time and not money .

Please try and think of positive changes you can make and be thank for of the positives you have in life, there
Must be some.

fos6mo3 · 11/02/2018 21:15

Should have said didn't ask to be born ... and sorry if I.T reads harsh but please
Just think I'm sure you live your children and are just feelings down x

Lollipop306 · 11/02/2018 21:19

I don't have any constructive advice but I just wanted to say that there are people you can talk to.

Even though seeing your GP may sound pointless, it will help. They will be able to put you in touch with the right people and there are also charities out there to help with finance issues.

Please, know you're going to be ok and you're not alone

Thanks
Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 12/02/2018 07:08

There is always a way forward. It is just not always able to be seen.

Can you sort the house situation first by finding somewhere to rent?

What was your previous job?

Your kids need only have a roof over he heads and loving parents. You can do this.

oneggshellsallthetime · 12/02/2018 08:23

When we are depressed we can't 'see the wood for the trees', when, on top of that our previously secure world is uncertain or falling apart and all we see is a scary future, then we are in a dark wood and can't think logically or clearly enough to see a path out. Our fear paralyses us. We retreat further into our depression.

Please see your GP and start the process of recovery and that of getting support. Do you have any family or friends you can talk to? Contact the people you owe money to explain the situation if you haven't already. Speak to a debt advisory service.

Your children need you to find your inner strength. You DO have inner strength but I think your depression is creating such a sense of hopelessness that you are not in a position to take steps to help yourself. Which is why you need to get external support. If you haven't told family (or friends), perhaps through a sense of shame, embarassment or pride, now is the time to put those feelings aside. If you have potential sources of support - please speak to them. Sharing your situation and fears for the future will help. If you have a support network they will want to help you in any way they can.

You've taken a positive step by posting on here. You've reached out for help and now you know you can do that in real life. Facing up to your fears is hard but taking action helps you manage the situation and helps build up your inner strength to make the best of the situation. Whereas avoidance and retreating from it all cannot do anything but make things worse. I know this from experience. I think your feelings about your children have possibly come about through feelings of fear and failure and distancing yourself from them mentally is another way of of avoiding squaring up to the situation, and all possibly the result of being extremely depressed.

Your marriage is suffering and the arguments are to be expected but can you talk to your husband calmly about getting other support in real life? It is possible you are both feeling alone in your marriage and so are not supporting each other or feeling supported.

When we get help for our depression we are better able to help ourselves. Getting advice and support starts the process of moving on from helplessness and hopelessness, and whilst it won't magic your financial issues away you won't feel so isolated or alone. A little of the weight is lifted.

Please start by seeing your GP and if you have a wait to get standard appointments ask for a same day or next day appointment - don't hold back on the need to be seen as soon as possible.

And finally, hold your children - literally - give them a hug - and start to reconnect with them at the most basic level. I think it will comfort you and will definitely comfort them.

It sounds simplistic but depression is both mentally and physically isolating, in my experience. And a hug is one little positive experience in the midst of all feelings of hopelessness.

Bigpizzalover · 12/02/2018 08:32

Depression is awful it really is but as others have said it clouds your judgement and makes you bury your head in the sand further as you don’t have the energy to resolve anything. From experience tablets and counselling from the GP helped so please think about seeing someone.

With the mortgage - to be at repossession I’m presuming the mortgage company has tried all other routes first of all (reduced payment, switched to interest only for period off time, extended term etc) if they haven’t the court where they have to get the possession order from may refuse it so would be worth speaking to lender to try arrange alternative.
If they have tried you do have the right to take back possession of the home if you can pay off everything, do you have anyone you could perhaps borrow the funds from - depending on the amount that is.

Stepchange, CAB, Money advice service etc are all great services that offer advice for financial issues.

Children and work - if your Hs work is specific and not really bringing income in, could you return back to work instead? And let him be the SAHP? I felt like I hated my kids and the thought of looking after them all day filled me with dread - but that linked back to my depression.

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