DP left...

[Madesuchamessofit]

Actually, he told me to leave. We’re expats so I’m 1000s of miles from friends and family, it’s the middle of the night here and I’m heartbroken. I’ve checked into a hotel so I’m safe but that’s the only positive I can see at the moment. I’ve never posted before and I’m not sure why I’m doing it now. I just don’t want to tell anyone in real life yet, because that would mean it was really happening.

38 is not too old.
If you want to be a mum then please start the process of getting to where you want to be to do just that.
You don't sound happy and you shouldn't stay just for the sake of it.
How old is your DP?

"totally NOT equivalent to defeat"

Sorry, epic typing fails today!

I have nightmares about my DD getting involved with a twat like this and giving up her chance to have kids for an entitled tosser like this. He's a selfish prick! You gave up everything for him - kids, your job in the UK, sold your home - with nothing in return. I can almost guarantee he's also lying to you and he has someone else.

38 is not at all too old to have a child. Please do not give up having a child for this wanker.

He's gaslighting you. Please, please tell him to get knotted.

Thank you - that’s so kind of you. We’be messaged a few times today. I think we’ve agreed to at least talk about it, but I’ve booked a hotel again for tonight. I want to have everything clear in my own head before I speak to him....

I'd maybe go NC for a day or two / tell him you need space to think without him. Show him he doesn't hold all the cards and give him a chance to see what he's missing.

I didn’t even realize there was a second page of comments until I posted! I’m genuinely a bit overwhelmed about the fact that people care enough to post so thank you, and thank you for being so honest. It’s exactly what I need. I agree, being unavailable for a bit is a good idea. He’s used to calling the shots in every area of his life and I think it would help me feel like I’ve got some control back over the situation.

Op you have the ability to start over and you can still have children. I know a number of people who have had children over 40. My parents included. If you want a child then do what's best for you now, as it sounds like you've made a lot of sacrifices up to now.

Op you sound lovely. Be kind to yourself and you can be in the driving seat at the moment until you feel "prepared".
If posting on here helps then absolutely do it. You're not alone lovely xx

How are things now, OP?

Hello, I’m not sure really - I’m back at home because he’s away for the next couple of nights for work (a further complication is that he travels somewhere most weeks) We’ve been texting rather than talking which I’ve liked because it means I can think about exactly what I want to say rather than having to respond straight away - I get flustered and never include everything I want to. I feel much more positive about whatever the future holds, thanks mostly to all the messages on here, but we have said that we’ll talk at the weekend. We both agree that we’ll have to make some fairly major changes if it’s going to work, but it depends if he’s willing to commit to that in practise. In the past we’ve been guilty of just saying that we’re going to make things ‘better’ without specifying exactly what ‘better’ looks like. As a result we drift back into our old habits very quickly. I know that there are things about myself that I need to work on whether I end up with him or not. I’m far too anxious about making other people happy (often to the detriment of my own happiness) for a start and I need to address that before I can have a successful relationship with anyone I think. I’m glad I’ve got a couple more days of thinking time to get stuff clear.....