How can I fix this and make it better?

[Mittensandmuffins]

DH have been having terrible arguments all week..maybe the last fortnight. We have been together for over 15 years and although we do argue, love each other very much and have a nice life with our two DC.

This afternoon DH comes to me and says he doesn't think we would still be together if we didn't have the DC. I am inclined to think that knowing DH, this is just being dramatic rather than a hint that he wants us to separate. Anyhow, we had a long talk and decided to try harder to just be happy. Interestingly today when I was looking at him I had that butterflies in my stomach thing which I haven't felt for a while. I told him I just wanted to kiss him, etc, but now he has accused me of trying to get him into bed to change his mind 'because you're not usually like this". The feelings I had were totally genuine and now I feel like I just can't win....how can I get through to him?

Blackberryfairy basically it all revolves around me complaining he doesn't do enough round the house, and him saying I'm constantly picking at him, and it going round in circles....

Please help....

Aww, that's sad OP
You took a leap and felt rejected.
What happened when he said that? What if you just said, "just shut up and kiss me"?

I did just that. I made a bit of a joke of it and said just kiss me. He was really awkward and stand offish. He said he didn't want to upset me though and kissed me on the cheek.

Look at the entire package that he brings to the relationship. Financially, as a father... everything. If taken in the round you think it's broadly a 50:50 relationship, then don't go on about the housework as he contributes in other ways.
If however you still do not think the relationship is broadly equal, then talk to him calmly about it. Do not nag, do not let it escalate into point scoring.
And try to make time for each other. You are a wife and a mother: neither role is more important than the other. Likewise for him.

ATB

Thanks disquieted, that definitely puts things into perspective. You are so right. However, how do I fix this?

I think you've maybe got stuck at loggerheads. This happens to me and DH sometimes as we are both very stubborn.

I'd say park your complaints for now and concentrate on becoming best friends again. Let the housework slide and just spend time together and reconnect. He will probably naturally make more of an effort when you're in a better place and then you can tell him how much you appreciate it and hopefully he will keep it up. I know that sounds like I am a bit manipulative and saying men are such simple creatures (I am) but it works for me.

I'm also much happier now that I have accepted that my DH is probably never going to notice clutter and tidy it up or get shopping without me asking or clean to my standards. However, he is kind and fiercely loyal and passionate about our family and makes me laugh so much. He's my best friend- which is what I'd prefer over a housekeeper any day!

Thanks boobies, everything makes sense now.