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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I call time on my 16 year marriage?

3 replies

Babysgotyoureyes · 11/02/2018 16:40

I know I will probably get flamed here but I am in really low place today. Went on a work night out last night and ended up kissing a colleague. A lot of drink was involved and it was just a kiss but he's twenty years younger than me and I suppose I was flattered. It's not an excuse and I feel incredibly guilty today. My marriage is as good as dead I feel. We haven't slept in the same bed since last October due to dd sleeping in our bed. I can't remember the last time we were intimate. I'm guessing 6 months.... I'm in my mid 40s and really old enough to know better ie: shouldn't be getting carried away with drink. Today I feel it's time I gave up alcohol. My partner is a great father and our children are our main priority. They are my world and I would never hurt them so I feel separation is not what I want but I feel tired and believe that what happened last night tells me everything about where we're at.
At times I feel lonely. He's such a poor communicator and quite happy in front of the footie and on his phone. He admits we have a problem but doesn't want to separate and refuses to attend counselling. Is this our lot in life? Should I tell him exactly what happened last night? I don't want to hurt my children.

OP posts:
Needsleepnow87 · 11/02/2018 16:43

You should tell him. It might be what he needs to start repairing your marriage if it’s what you both want.

Do you still love him?

woodhill · 11/02/2018 16:47

Yes try and repair your marriage. It's so easy to get flattered and get swept away but it's like a house built on sand

Babysgotyoureyes · 11/02/2018 16:51

I don't think so anymore. We're together for over 20 years. He's not the person he was and neither am I. I went through depression badly some years ago and I feel that changed everything. I felt for him it was a major inconvenience at the time and he just didn't how to be supportive. I know very few do know how to react to someone with depression but he made me feel that I needed to get over it. I think a part of me can never forgive him for that. I was so low back then I contemplated taking my own life. Only for my children I often think I would have. Thankfully the depression has lifted now due to meds and therapy but I'm so worried it will come back.

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