Does he like me?

[TracyL74]

I've been friends with a neighbour for over a year now...he's a single dad living with his mum and his kids come over every weekend. Our girls are in and out of each other's houses. Over this past year my husband and I have separated (it's been years coming) and he leaves abroad for a new job/life shortly. The neighbour has known it was rocky but kept distance and I respect that.

However, I do feel something there. He texts with emoji kisses and we've been out on family trips just us and the kids. I just don't know. I've found out he has a girlfriend he sees once a month. But he's not let on to me and seems to keep it a secret for whatever reason. Still if I was his gf I really wouldn't like the way he texts me and the fact we spend family time together. He cares for my daughter like his own and vice versa. I just don't know if he's 'waiting in the wings' or I'm reading into him just being super lovely and caring. My friends are sure he likes me and is just being a gentleman, but this secret girlfriend he has a mainly texting relationship with confuses me. Any advice?

I'm not sure how you can say he cares for your children like his own.
Sure I love my friends children but not like my own.
It sounds as though you may be creating a family scenario in your head that may not happen. Did you start to develop an emotional connection while you were still married op, could it be this is a reaction to everything that is going on in your marriage etc?
Why does he text you is it generic kid stuff, friendly chit chat? He shouldn't really be doing any more than that of he is in a relationshi, it maybe if he sees this as just a play date/day out thing (it's hard for single dads to do this unless its with females, as let's face it it is usually the women who do most of the children time after a break up.if so why would he tell you about his relationships.
If that's not the case then he's been misleading you which isn't fair and would leave me evaluating my contact with him.
How do you know he has a gf if he didn't tell you.

Maybe a lot of that is true and it's good to have that perspective. He's genuinely caring and involves my daughter in everything, it's endearing and over time that connection has grown. He goes to effort to show me how great he is! This is what our weekends consist of. The days out of course involve the kids, and yes, most of the convos involve them but others not. When we talk about relationships, I've given openings for him to say he's in one but he doesn't take it. I need to stop reading into all the 😘😘 and messages and move on perhaps.

"Likes you" as in "wants to date you"?

More important than that is the question of whether you want to date him.

And given that he apparently has a girlfriend, but behaves with you in a way that you consider inappropriate for someone with a girlfriend, the answer to that question should be NO.

Hi Trills....yes!! I don't know if he likes me just as a friend or if there could be something more. I can't fault him for the gf...he is free and single. I'm the one who hasn't been until now. I'm imagining it's not serious if they barely meet and the children don't know about her, though they've been 'together' almost a year so what do I know! I just don't know...and that's the crutch of it. I once said I love you guys...and he said backatcha. I'm holding onto little signals which could be misinterpreted.

Have you done a thread about this before?

Risen, no I haven't. First time.

You can't fault him for the girlfriend?

I'm not saying that he is doing wrong to you by having a girlfriend.

I'm saying that it sounds like he might be doing wrong to the girlfriend, in how he behaves to you.

This: if I was his gf I really wouldn't like the way he texts me and the fact we spend family time together

Right now he has a girlfriend, and he behaves around other women (you) in ways you don't think are right.
He thinks this behaviour is fine.
If/when you are his girlfriend, he will behave in those ways around other women (ones who are not you).
You won't like it.
Therefore, you don't want to be in his girlfriend.

He has a girlfriend, back off!

I think the fact that he kept this girlfriend a secret means he can't be trusted and doesn't really value any relationship.

I would be starting to distance myself if I were you.

Keep him as a friend. Without benefits.

Thanks for all the advice.

I think you should ask him

If only talking was that easy we wouldn't all be on here.

Are you sure he has a girlfriend where did you get this information?

His mum's hairdresser 😂

He's been in a relationship for a year and hasn't shared this with you strange and I'm sure girlfriend wouldn't be happy about him going out with another women and her children every weekend wouldn't she and he rather be doing that together are you 100% sure he has a gf did the hairdresser tell u this she could be wrong

It is all really strange and that's what's going around in my head. I'm sure it's accurate. I assume she doesn't live local if they only see each other once a month, so maybe it's just circumstance as to why they don't actually spend time together and text/call everyday instead. I have no idea. Part of me feels (wants) that it's therefore not serious and their could possibly be a chance for us (only time will tell) yet the other part feels that maybe it is serious (a year is a long time, and they've had a holiday together also - again not told me who with, just that he was away) and perhaps he keeps it secret as not to hurt me and upset the balance of what we do as he enjoys it. This upsets me as it means he's playing both. And therefore not the character I hold highly. A couple of friends I've told feel he does like me and has just been waiting until my situation was resolved. I think I just need to wait out and see what happens. I don't want to ask as I'm mainly afraid of the answer....

Just ask him if he has gf tell him hairdresser mentioned it to u and u find it strange that he never mentioned it to u see what he says x