Is revulsion part of the healing cycle?

[myrtlehuckingfuge]

I was doing quite well I thought. Kicked out stbxh when I found out he was having an affair last year. It wasn't so much the affair but the cruelty with which he treated me last summer that meant I wouldn't try again. The 'if someone shows you what they are like, believe them' scenario. The affair was a good time to call it a day. He's still with the OW and they are making a stab of it. I am pacing myself- no desire to repeat the same mistake twice, getting fit,
seeing a counsellor, getting out with friends and was trying to put up with him for the sake of the kids for co-parenting purposes. Testy perhaps but could still exchange information in person. However, the most recent stage of my recovery appears to be revulsion. He genuinely makes my skin crawl. Some of the things I used to do I used to put down to social ineptitude (oversharing mainly, there are other things like being grandiose) I now perceive as creepy. Has anyone else had this? It is standing in the way somewhat. Any coping methods welcome. I know that it is just nature but I need to get on with him for the kids.

Sounds like you're seeing him clearly to me!! I imagine with time you will learn to accept that feeling and overlook it so you can deal with the day-to-day business of coparenting. Don't tell yourself your assessment is wrong, though; it's probably right, just inconvenient

Yes, the amount of times I've thought, Jesus what was I doing with you for 21 years. I don't find him in the slightest bit attractive. No affair but emotional abuse. Or how I could be so blind for so long.

I getting where your coming from, I thinks its part of healing .

I thought that the anger was the 'why have I put up with him for so long' reaction. This was very sudden only a couple of days ago. I almost threw up when he was oversharing about something I really didn't need to know. Probably hasn't helped that I have read too much about narcissism! Sadly today I had to spend some time in his company due to the kids and I couldn't even bring myself to look at him.

I would say it certainly can be. It sounds like you've stepped back and are now seeing him objectively for who he is. Whilst your feelings sound quite normal/ healthy, keep up the focus on you.

Oh yes, perfectly normal. My EXH repulses me too. I can’t believe I put up with him for 20 years either. His irritating habits annoy me even more too. Luckily I don’t have to see him that often and DD2 is 18 this week so I’m definitely looking forward to the point when I forget he even existed.

Wow! So glad you asked that! I thought I was just being really mean but I do honestly, at times, feel repulsed. And I also, when I have to spend time with him and he talks and talks, think "oh do shut up you boring old twat"".

Thanks all. Glad to hear I am not alone in this. It was the sheer force of the reaction that overwhelmed me and my lunch. Thank you Chloe, you are right- focus on me not him! Got quite a bit planned! Now to suppress that shudder until 'meh' sets in.

Just realised my glaring error in the original post- some of the things he used to do not I used to do!

Funnily enough I felt that about all men . I just couldn’t face the thought of a naked, hairy, sweaty man touching me or sharing my bed ever again.

Yes, I have to say, there are certainly moments of that too!

Revulsion was definitely part of recovery for me; it's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one!
When we were together I became increasingly embarrassed to be out with him, his drinking & behaviour were so inappropriate (to be polite!).
I guess I'm fairly neutral now (try to be anyway) but if I start to think too much, the disgust comes back & then memories & then my self worth is in danger of disappearing.
It was so sad that my 'D'H could turn into a totally gross, offensive man & ruin my life for a few years. I'm so blessed to have a new DP who helped me to find the strength rebuild myself.
I wish you all the best as you continue to heal

yes i find my EXH utterly repulsive and creepy is the word i use too.

I also find all men repulsive and cannot imagine fancying someone - not good!

Funny how the rose tinted glasses fall off. I look at my ex now & cant believe that I was ever with anyone so selfish. I wrote a list of the aweful things that he used to say to me & reading back it really shocked me. I think we block certain things when we live with them as self preservation.