Am I being shallow for being fed up because he never comments on what I wear?

[Ladylouanne]

Firstly, I know it could be worse and this a small issue in the grand scheme of an otherwise lovely relationship.

It’s just that one day, i’d llove to get dressed up for a night out and have him compliment me. He never says anything!

We’re away for the weekend and I made a real effort last night only to have him say nothing and it’s now getting me down.

He’s lovely otherwise, just not exactly the last of the great romantics.

Do you tell him how great he looks?

Good point Harvey. If your partner has bought a new outfit, fixed up his hair, had his nails and make up done, put on some heels, then OF COURSE you should compliment him.

And he should do the same to you. It’s only good manners. If I’m at a function / birthday /Party and a friend has gone to a lot of trouble to dress up then I will always compliment them.

I understand. This is one (of the many!) reasons I split up with exh
He never complimented me, or if he did, it was something along the lines of 'you look quite nice'. Wow, thanks.

I remember the first time he and I went properly out for the night, it was about 8 weeks after DD was born, and for my birthday. I'd made a huge effort, first time I'd worn heels since giving birth etc, and he didn't even comment at all.

I never told him how much it hurt me, which lead to massive resentment, so if it bothers you, I'd tell him.

To the previous poster - yes, we should give our partners compliments too - but I do think that so much more goes into it when a woman says she'd made loads of effort - e.g. Hair done, makeup, high shoes etc - it doesn't really take men the same amount of time, so I think the difference is that we tend to feel pissed off as well, if they don't notice.

Maybe he generally doesn't prefer your appearance 'done up'?

Just like I know women who are attracted to their man with old joggers and a grubby tshirt on out labouring in the garden more than they do looking stuffy in a suit.

Yes, I do compliment him - for example i’ll always say if I like a particular shirt, that he looks nice etc

I honestly don’t think he’d notice I wore the same thing every single time.

Has this always been his character? Sometimes we expect certain things that were never there in the first place.

Yes Sandy, he has always been this way. At first I found it weird, but consoled myself by thinking at least he wasn’t one of those awful men who think they can dictate what you wear.

It’s just annoying me more now so probably my own fault doe it saying anything earlier.

It would be wrong for him to objectify you.

My partner is like this. He genuinely doesn't think about what I'm wearing! The only time he has ever complimented me without prompting was on our wedding day when he said I looked like a princess (haha). At first it annoyed me a bit but now I love it - especially as post-baby I'm a bit of a wreck! He is just as loving and affectionate no matter what I look like and that is worth more than a thousand compliments to me.

Have you told him it upsets you?

Ooh I would hate this! I always notice what people wear - men and women. I have even paid complete strangers compliments.

It's just a nice way to give a little glow.

Weeellll mine is fairly similar. He does notice sometimes. And says nice things. But it's rare!

He's the quiet type. And the not very observant type.

But he's lovely and I wouldn't change him.

You've got to weigh these things up!

Tell him if it bothers you but you can’t exoect him to be someone he’s not and if it’s never been something he’s done then you can’t expect him to suddenly become observant overnight.

In all honesty, if this is the worst you can say about him then I think you should probably give yourself a bit of a shake because it sounds really unimportant to me.

I’ve just had a bit of a chat to him about it, wiithout making it too much of an issue.

He sounds like some of the other blokes on here! Said he’s sorry but he always feels proud to be seen with me and I always look great etc etc. He then went on to say that what he likes best if when I am just being completely myself and relaxing at home in my pyjamas!

I give up! He is such a lovely bloke that I guess I do need to keep some perspective on this. Or adopt the more direct ‘do I look OK dear?’ type approach

Just to give another perspective, I never notice what other people are wearing, so I always forget to compliment people on how they look. I was out for dinner last night with two female friends and I honestly couldn’t tell you what they were wearing.

And I hate the way I look, so if someone compliments me, it just makes me uncomfortable.

I’m female, if it’s relevant, and I try to compliment people on stuff they do, because that’s easier for me.

I’m single but if a partner (or a friend) asked me “do I look ok?” I’d say yes and mean it. Ask him!

It's not so much that its shallow or the compliment for me but the reassurance that I'm not completely invisible.

I had quite a significant change of hair style with 7-8 inches of hair cut off way back and neither dh or the dc noticed for 3 days. It wasn't that I expected a compliment but some kind of reaction or acknowledgement that I actually existed would have been nice!

Colleysmill - that’s exactly it. I said earlier that felt invisible to him and he was quite shocked. But that’s exactly what it is - i don’t need complimenting every day of the week in a needy, ego building way, I just want to know he notices that i’m wearinf something new or have made an effort with my hair or something.

You just need to accept that’s how he is tbh.
There’s no point in him saying it just because you’ve said it would be nice.