Feelings in new relationship, is this right?

[PerfectPaper]

I'm 57, have two grown up children (DD 27 and DS 24) and 2 GC (both DDs if it's relevant). Split from the DCs dad 12 years ago. Not had a proper relationship since.

Met a man late last year who on paper is perfect. He's a year older than me and has a grown up son whose the same age as my DD. No grandchildren yet.

He's a gentleman, always offers to pay on dates even if I've said I'll pay. Doesn't drink too much (my ex was an alcoholic). We've had 6 dates so far, which have all been different. He got tickets to a concert of a tribute band which was quite good, we've been to theatre, cinema, and then a couple of times he's met me from work at lunchtime and taken me for food.

He's completely lovely. When my DD went into labour with her 2nd child I had to cancel a date we had planned so I could look after my GC and he was fine with that. He owns his own house, has a well paid job which he does parttime, and is a cat lover which is great as I have 2 cats.

But there's just no feelings there. He makes me laugh and I'm comfortable with him. But I don't feel much more, no spark, no love.

I don't remember the feelings I got with my ex as we got together when I was in my 20s.

So MN, is this normal? Or do I ditch the guy as there's no feelings there?

So, what has prompted you to go on six dates with him? No-one's forcing you surely?

Were they dates or were you just meeting as friends? Would you want him as a friend if there was no 'relationship' label on it?

There's no reason why you should feel 'love' almost immediately - but if you're not interested in him as a boyfriend why not just be clear about that?

Was you waiting for feelings to develop op? In my opinion it does my matter how old you are there has to be a spark.
Obviously it's unlikely you will recapture those heady falling in love days from your 20's, although I could be wrong and would love to hear stories of it happening. But surely there still needd to be something other than nice.
In my experience some people you just click with and others you don't and no amount of wanting to or time will make it appear I'd it's not there.
How does he feel, does he feel the same and see you as a friend rather than a prospective romantic interest.
If he is on the same page as you there's no reason why you shouldn't enjoy each others company on a platonic level.

In my experience one's capacity for strong emotion only increases with age, Confused!

Well that's good news then. In that case op dump him and go meet someone you can
fall wildly and passionately in love with

Yes I did think think the feelings would develop.

I don't know how he feels, I've not discussed it with him/ I'd be happy to just be friends with him though.

No reason why she shouldn't go on seeing him in a friendly way - just as long as everyone understands where they are. By which Imean - don't let him start to rely on this relationship if it's not what you ultimately want.

Maybe the spark isn't there because you're not being intimate? I'm not talking about sex, I'm talking about you and him sharing yourself eg feelings, hopes, dreams etc. When we find out about how people tick we might find shared feelings and a kind of 'knowing' which is emotional and creates a connection?

How about this OP?

goodmenproject.com/featured-content/hlg-36-questions-can-make-two-strangers-fall-love/

I've always found that a spark or that connection is there instantly or not. I've had flings where I've thought ok may be it will develop in time but it never has, I usually know within about five minutes If I fancy them or not. But I guess were all different, so yeah give it a go. But I do think you need to talk to him to find out what page he is on, otherwise he may get hurt and that's not nice.

I’m friends with lots of lovely people who are perfect on paper. Just because they are nice people doesn’t make them right for a relationship but makes them fantastic friends. As long as you are honest so both know where you stand then why not see if you can maintain a lifelong friendship.

I don't think this is going to go anywhere and as he is so lovely the kindest thing to do would be to let him go.

Before I met my dh I was seeing a guy for 3 months and just kept hoping I would develop feelings for him as he was so lovely but I didn't fancy him at all. He made me laugh, I enjoyed having him around but life is too short to settle for someone who doesn't really excite you.

When I met my dh I knew he was a kind, loving person but my god I fancied the pants off him! I think if something was going to develop between you and this guy you would feel something sexual by now.

Any kissing and conoddling? Sometimes you have to let yourself know that it's OK to fancy someone. Have a little imagine about a sexual encounter with him and see how it feels to you. I think there has to be flirting and possibility if there isn't visceral sexual attraction.