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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Emotionally dependant on DH?

4 replies

upsideup · 10/02/2018 21:13

I've seen quite a few threads on mumsnet recently, as well as had a few comments in real life that have really got to me and made me worry that maybe I am too emotionally dependant on DH. I dont think I would be able to cope without him and am starting to see its not healthy or fair on either of us.
We have been together for 12 years, married 8 and have 4 DC together, our relationship is loving and happy, I'm not questioning it at all, hes great, I just want to do better for him.
I have a history of mental health problems mainly anorexia and OCD however I am now (thanks to DH) coping well, I am not on any medication and have therapy much less frequently. But I feel I need my hand held by him too much and he has to either be really gentle with me or tip toe around to avoid upsetting me.
I guess I dont want this to be about me, I'm worried how difficult this must be for him and that I put too much on him, Untill this week I have never properly sat down and thought about how this will of affected him or how I dont provide him with the same emotional support and I feel shit for it, I'm feeling so selfish and ungrateful.

I dont really know what I'm asking for I just want some advice, Is anyone in a similar situation from either side of a relationship?
I know that it can only be a good thing for both of us for me to try not to lean on him so often but I'm not sure how to do this?
Normally I would be straight to DH for reassurance over these feelings and even by sharing them with strangers online instead I feel I am making some progress.

OP posts:
AbsentmindedWoman · 10/02/2018 21:15

How would you feel about finding a therapist? If you get the right one, they can be a really great and solid support.

upsideup · 10/02/2018 21:30

AbsentmindedWoman

Thankyou for replying. I already see a therapist once every few weeks but your right I dont have the right one, I need to find a new one who I feel more comfortable with and can see more regularly.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 10/02/2018 22:17

It does seem like you depend on him a lot.

Try and get some balance in the relationship and think about what you do for him. Does he depend on you for anything? If he were you at things he's miss about you or ways he couldn't cope without you what would they be?

upsideup · 11/02/2018 09:24

SandyY2K

Thankyou for replying. Yeah, I dont want to be completely unrelient on him and I know there are lots of ways he depends on me too but its not balanced. Thats what I need to work on,making our relationship more balanced and equal.

OP posts:
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