It's finaly hit me - I think we're going to separate

[ohsmellyjelly]

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OSJ - do you know any local mums who could babysit your dc whilst you go out with dh on the basis that you will return the favour? If you think it worth giving it a go, then you owe it to the both of you to do so. But if you do decide you can't make it work, you will have done your very best, I know from your other post...

By the way, I am having issues at the moment with dh - he is always too tired/too stressed for sex!! The thing is that most of the time I can't be *rsed myself so am not hugely bothered, but I miss the physical intimacy and feel like I'm being repeatedly rejected by him even though I know he loves me and thinks I am sexy. It isn't about lust anymore - I don't believe anyone who says that their sex life is as good as when they first met after a number of years - it's about creating an intimacy with your partner that you don't have with anybody else and it takes time and effort and a relaxed state of mind - all of which are difficult to do when you have children. I miss that intimacy loads so sympathise with both you and your dh!

OSJ - it sounds as though you and DH are communicating well and are able to discuss the difficulties you are having. If he can do that, maybe he would benefit from relate - it might help him work out what it is he wants, without having to leave the relationship.

DP and I did hve counselling some years ago, it worked really well at the time (hence DD!) but sadly things have been allowed to slide, and now he wont talk about it with me. But I would still recommend that anyone try relate.

this can be saved!!

sex is a massive issue for loads of knackered parents - you are not alone!

can you try to reassure him and say you do love him but dont want sex as tired, fed up etc

then try and get lots of time to yourself to recover, eat well, take vitamins etc

get babysitters every week whatever it takes and do nice things together - cinema, meal out, or whatever you like - dont talk about kids/splitting up etc!

hold hands, kiss on check, give compliments during the day when it is unlikely he is going to want sex so it feels safe

take it a step at a time and show affection in other ways.

there is a great sex book i read by tracy cox and one of her best bits of advice was 'drink'!! lose your inhibitions and give it a whirl - dont think too much about it, just get on with it.

not sure if that helps or not, but it worked for me xxx

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I've been following this today and I really feel that you still have something there together. You don't sound as empty and negative as some posters who are really at the end of the road with thier relationship.

Children do affect relationships hugely, as much as we love them and want them, i think they put a huge strain on the dh/dw side of things. Not having sex becomes a habit, the less you have, the less you think about it and it carries on. I've been there with my DH and it causes a massive wedge between you. Men do need sex to feel loved, but then we need to feel loved to have sex, generally speaking.

He sounds a good man, don't let him go until you've both really really tried to make it work. Get babysitters, date each other, do whatever you can to try and get that spark back. Hope that doesn't sound like I think you haven't tried, i don't know the full story, but from what you've written here I don't see it as over.

sorry, rambling on, slighty pissed.

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Go for it OSJ!

Glad you were able to talk last night and let him know how you are feeling.

I'm sure your friends will be happy to babysit - surely they wouldn't have offered otherwise.

Would your mum be able to have the kids overnight so you can have a weekend together, not necessarily for sex but just to get to know each other again.

Theres nothing else really I can say that hasn't been said already, just wanted you know that I was thinking about you and hoping you were OK after last night.

Keep talking to Mr OSM and if you still feel that you no longer work together at least you know you will have tried your hardest to make things work.

Great to hear you sounding so much more positive

I really admire your strength in all of this and I'm sure whatever happens you'll all be happy and you'll do what's best. Let us know how you are xx

OSJ - it takes a lot of commitment and courage to keep trying when things are in a rut. Best of luck and I shall be keeping my fingers crossed for you!

glad to hear things are being talked about OSJ.

Also glad that you are considering the babysitters thing; I say go for it. It is very hard to make that a priority when you have young kids, as you say there's usually no-one to ask who hasn't already got a busy life and their own things going on; but in this situation you need to be strong, prioritise your relationship and DO IT! Also a really good idea about letting the kids have a visit to granny for the weekend so that you can have a chunk of time together.

Best of luck x

yes do ask your friends to sit - then you can return the favour which is great for everyone - just two hours is all it takes to feel you are out in the world of adults again!

its far easier to do this now than if you split up - then when would you ever get to go out?!

good luck x