Failure in Life

[maryrose1983]

I feel like my life is going no where, I am 35 and an absolute failure, why?
• I have low self esteem about how I look, I have neurofibromatosis which causes small tumours to grow on my skin, everywhere! This makes me feel incredibly unattractive.
• I am deaf in my left each
• When every I date I end up friend zoned, I have never had a LTR, but do have an amazing child from a short fling. I think men are put off by my lumps and bumps which got worse after my pregnancy.
• I do go to lots of activities, yoga, cookery classes etc, I meet and chat to men but this never seems to progress,
• I have a job which pays well for what I do, but I don’t love it. I would love a job which I see the point in doing, the thing is I need the money my current job brings in. If I did something I loved e.g. yoga or cooking my income would plummet. I see people who love their jobs I am so jealous.
• I am in the process of buying a new home, I am really worried about this. I have owned a house for 10 years but this is a massive step up in size etc, something I really want but also scared at the same time.
• I am so socially awkward and struggle with small talk, partly I am sure due to the deafness in my left ear. I hate saying pardon in a restaurant, café etc when there is background noise, despite a hearing aid this makes little different.
• I am worried stiff about my Dad, he is 70 and his memory seems to be detreating at a worrying rate and wont go to the Dr.
It just feels like at 35 my life has gone no where, all my friends are happily coupled up with Kids in beautiful houses and I have never had a LTR, I have a disfiguring condition and I am partially deaf. Yes I may be wallowing in self pity but I just feel down at the moment.

Well by the sounds of things you're certainly no failure, I think you are underestimating yourself, you're doing mighty fine.You need to work on your self esteem though, some people I know would be shouting from the rooftops if they had what you had.

There seems to be this notion that if you are in a LTR, life is honky dory, it seldom is though.At least you're not with some horrible bastard, or flogging some dead in the water relationship.Youre doing ok on your own.Worrying really is wasted energy and it changes nothing, so is focussing on feeling inadequate, try and change your mindset or else your feeling of worthlessness will overcome you.You have a lot of offer and don't every doubt this.

It's ok to wallow and feel down once in a while. By what you've written you don't sound like a failure in my opinion.
What do you ultimately want? A LTR? A new job?