What do I do (if anything) about this !

[user1470296287]

Hi I need some advice I’ve spent the night awake wondering what is the right thing to do.

My 17year old ds was very down the last few weeks and this is not usual for him, so last night he was in a rare but talkative mood.

He told me he was thinking about going to see the college counselling because after 2 years since his dad suddenly upped and left us he is feeling very confused and a bit screwed up about everything. This came as a massive shock to me because he always maintained that he was fine with it and we always talked openly about what happened.

He has recently found out that the real reason his dad left was for another women( not from me I might add) and has started to see what a shit thing his dad did to me and us.

Also he told me that he shares the the same apple account as his dad and can see what he is searching on the internet and at this point he became very upset as he saw that he has been watching some hard porn and staying logged on to Ashley Madsen. My ds googled it and saw that it was a site for men married or in a relationship to find someone for an affair.

This has caused my ds lots of anxiety as he now has put the pieces together and he can now see what a cheating scumbag his dad is( again his words)

Now my question is what do I do about this do I contact my exh about this which won’t be easy as we very rarely talk and only about official stuff via email or do I leave well alone.

Also his girlfriend ow has bipolar and a lot of problems with her ds so does she have a right to know Help I don’t know what to do.

Support and encourage DS to access his college counselling service, it may well be that he just needs to process his thoughts and emotions regarding his father. He may feel that he only requires this counselling support and nothing else. As such at this very early stage I wouldn't discuss this with others unless DS has expressly given you permission to do so.

If DS requires additional support I'm sure his GP and the counselling service can help signpost all options. If this occurs then that is the time I would consider asking DS if you can talk to other people so he is able to broaden his support network.

First thing is first definitely get DS to set up his own apple account, if he shares his account with his dad it will probably be because they share access to apple music and other paid apps. I would maybe ask your ex if he will pay for these things separately for your son, you could then explain to your ex that DS is uncomfortable and embarrassed because he can see "everything" what his father has been viewing.

It's good that he is talking about accessing college counsellors, encourage it. They are usually, sadly, quite expert in steering teens through family break ups.

And you don't have to do or think about ex, his new gf or anyone other than your DS and yourself. They are adults, can deal with their own issues, you have absolutely no need to own any responsibility or care for them!

If he was unaware at 15 that his father left for another woman then you were hardly talking about it openly.

But agree you've no responsibility towards anyone but DS, OW made her own bed!

Schnitzel, I understand what you mean by not talking openly but my Son was told this was the reason his father left when it happened by everybody that was close to us but his father kept denying it and claiming they were only friends, but finally admitted it 3 months ago.

This was the point when my ds started to see for himself what his father was capable of and I think this is what is causing ds anxiety as he feels he can’t respect him anymore.

I will concentrate on getting my son the help to sort his thoughts and emotions out and have decided to leave my exh and his now seedy dirty life to himself.

Thank you all for your replies they have been very helpful

Get him his own Apple account.

Support him in seeing a counsellor and yeah, he needs his own Apple ID.

Do not get in touch with your Ex or his gf, he doesn’t give a shit and she’s now only on the receiving end of what she and him did to you.