Dumped but can’t stop feeling so sad

[nutty123]

I will try and keep this short. Been dumped a few weeks ago by the man I loved. It took me two years to get over my exh who left when I was 12 weeks pregnant.

I was seeing this man for nearly a year, had a wonderful Christmas meeting family and friends. We talked about moving in, booked and paid for a holiday in may and then out of the blue he said he didn’t want to go through everything again with a toddler (he has older boys)

I am devastated. I’ve seen him a few times and it’s been amicable. He was even dancing with my daughter in the pub last week.

I just miss him so much but I need to admit to myself it’s over, don’t i?

Yes you do sadly.God knows why some men do this everything seems fine and they appear happy them bam out of nowhere it seems they ghost you or suddenly it's not what they want. Leaves you feeling bewildered and wondering what went wrong/ changed etc. Please don't go down the path of trying to work out why it change so suddenly it will just do your head in. At least he had the decency to to tell you it was over unlike some cowards who just ghost you.

Thank you. You are completely right.
I can’t change the fact I have a child.
But it hurts when it’s just out the blue

Perhaps he was thinking about it for a while, he may have been struggling with the idea for some time.
It maybe that the increased time spent with families over Christmas and the putting plans together for the future was what made him realise it wasnt something he could do.
Whatever it was it wasn't your fault and I know from experience that trying to analyse someone else's reasons/thoughts or behaviour will drive you mad.
I came home once and my bf of 6 years had cleared his stuff from my house and left. Dropped the key through the door, I never saw him again. At first it was like wtf. But looking back, which I never do anymore, I could remember warnings he wasn't happy.
Anyway what I'm saying is, it hurts like hell but it's better you know now and in 6 weeks time it won't hurt as much, in 6 months it will be so much less painful and in 6 years you will barely remember him.

Yes it does hurt when it comes from nowhere. As you say you can't change the fact you have a child something he seemed to be happy with for a year which understandably makes the fact he's said the child is the issue harder to take on board. Please be kind to yourself and take some time to grieve. Keep busy if you can to stop overthinking and analysing it all. Hugs to you.

Oh love,

I'm so sorry. I'm sure it hurts like a bugger. I know its of very little comfort but at least he has been honest with you and done this now rather than tried to carry on for a few years, moved in and possibly damaged your son by resenting him.

He should have done it 6 months in IMO but you can't change the past.

Thinking of you, being dumped sucks x

Thank you a little bit.
I am driving myself mad by seeing him online in WhatsApp and messenger and wondering if he’s found someone new. I know I should block/delete but just can’t seem to do it.
I’m sorry you went through that with your ex. What a cowardly thing to do.

Can I ask what you would do about the holiday? He says I can have it as it’s all paid for and take a friend. But I’m not sure I could as it was supposed to be for us to spend time together

Honestly social media and messaging apps will drive you to insanity. The best thing you can do is block him, it will be hard but it will help you move on.

I would go on the holiday and take a friend, was it a holiday you were going on with the children or just you and him?

Both ears
I know I need to block him. As it is driving me insane. It’s like I want to look and hurt myself all over again.

The holiday was for us and my daughter. His idea and I thought he was really keen. It’s just all a mess

Oh love, I know it feels like that now. It hurts so much when you really thought you had found the one you were going to build a future with and then it comes crashing down around you. Give yourself some time to heal and acknowledge how it feels, its ok to be hurt and sad. Be kind to yourself and do whatever makes you feel better, eat chocolate, cry, cheeky glass of wine and just look after yourself.

I think you should still go on the holiday, how far away is it? Hopefully by then you will start to have moved on and will be able to see it as just a holiday without it reminding you of him.

I know it hurts and its so much easier said than done but blocking him will really help xx

Go on holiday and take a friend. What will you do otherwise, staying at home thinking about how you would have been on holiday with him and making yourself feel more miserable? Go away and at have some fun, I bet it's less miserable than sat in the house

Others are right blocking him will be so much better for you.
I know it's difficult but it's really about accepting his decision and you need to do that before moving on.
What he is or isn't doing is not your concern, moving forward and making yourself happy is.
We've all been guilty of checking their online status/ wondering what they are aren't doing but it just prolongs the pain.
I would go on the holiday, take a friend (is it possible to swap the destination) go relax, be kind to yourself and put some plans together. Write a list of things you want to achieve this year, it will help you focus on positive things.
I know it doesn't feel like it now but in a year's time your heart would be mended and all this will be just another part of your story. Everything is temporary, especially the horrible way you feel now.

Thank you all for your kind messages. I just can’t shake the sad feeling. I’ve been through a lot worse but this has really upset me.

The holiday is all inclusive in turkey. I won’t be able to afford another one so maybe I should just go?

It doesn’t help that yesterday I was told I need a hysterectomy. And the one person I wanted to talk to, I couldn’t. And that I’m on my own with a 2 year old has sent me into a blind panic!! But that’s probably another thread!

Thank you all again and letting me have a moan

Yes, definitely go and take a friend. It will be a lovely holiday and a great chance for you to rest and relax with your daughter.

I'm so sorry to hear about your hysterectomy, when will that be? Do you have any family or close friends who can help with childcare?

Both ears, my family all live two hours away. So not really. I have friends but I hate asking for help! It could be in a couple of months. Not something I wanted at 41 but there you go.

This year has been so rubbish so far!

Sorry Nutty, rotten for you

It sounds like the intensity of Christmas & more time Together has made him realise, it’s not for him. I think he’s done the decent thing in being honest after just a year, rather than stringing you along.

Block him, dust yourself down & have a great holiday with a friend. Sometimes things aren’t just meant to be

I’ve been just been chucked too, in quite similar circumstances... it is much more crushing than I thought it would be.. So I know how you feel.

I’d go on the holiday with a friend, better moping in the sun than at home.... and a chance for something exciting. And distracting from the rubbishness. 💐

It could be that this ending has dragged up your previous relationship..that's why the depth of your sadness can take you by surprise.

Just accept that for now you will feel sad, but it will get better.
A toddler is a difficult stage (lovely at times but undoubtedly tough).It gets so much easier so hang on as better times are ahead.

I went through something very similar. Except the holiday was 5 days later. I didn’t go, but if it had been 6 months or so later I definitely would have and was very over him by then. I’d met someone new, who I was besotted with - he then went on to break my heart beyond belief, but that was just bad luck. Both times hurt, the second time ripped me apart. Now I’m so glad they both happened as I’m with someone lovely and right and have what I need in my life. I thought the sadness would never go both times and it did. I still have nightmares about that time and how lonely and sad I felt. But one day it will be a story you can tell almost as gossip, I enjoy telling people what happened to me, it shocks them and we can laugh about the ridiculousness of it all, but at the time it felt like the end of life.
Go on the holiday, I’m sure that by then it won’t hurt nearly as much or even at all. 💐

Thank you all. And I’m sorry you are going through the same thing user (sorry I don’t know how to do the names in bold)
I just feel so lonely once again, once my daughter is asleep. And the urge to text is overwhelming. I won’t do it as I do have a little bit of pride left!

I will have a good think about the holiday. Half of me says no way I can’t go but the other half says opposite. Thing is, it’s booked in his name so I’m going to have to talk to him in order to change it.

I am sorry for your heartbreak. I've been there.
I sense you are hoping that it isn't really over.it is. He was very clear he doesn't want the responsibility if a child. This, and the fact he has other children from a previous failed relationship tells you a great deal about this man. He is not the wonderful man you've built up in your memory. That man may not ever have really existed.

Look forward to a life with your child. Perhaps move away to be closer to friends and family. You really do not need to be seeing this man in the pub and desperately looking for signs that he still cares. He doesn't. Give men a bit of a swerve for a while. Concentrate on your daughter.

Thanks nutty

How are you feeling now?