TMI - sex question

[ZiggyBarDust]

I posted this initially in AIBU but was told to post it here.

Basically when I have sex it’s alwyas been painful, now more uncomfortable than actual pain but for the last few months I have been getting this really sudden urge to pee during sex and then within a split second I’ve wet the bed. It’s really embarrassing and I don’t actually want to have sex anymore because of it, however, I think my partner is trying to be in the positions when it will happen, even though he then has to finish off with mastrabation as I’m filled with shame, it’s quite intense feelings and it’s wet enough the bed sheets need changing.

I’m really confused about what is happening to me and also about now how he is reacting or seemingly coming across as enjoying it.

I actually do not want to have sex anymore until I know how to stop it or that it won’t happen again, but I’m not sure this is fair on him as he really doesn’t enjoy mastrabation

A doctor can help you with the physical issues, and none of us can. Don't be anxious –doctors have seen and heard everything you can think of.

Regarding your relationship with your partner and with sex in general, I'm sure your therapist can help you more than we can.

I'm wondering how it is that you are having PIV sex when you describe it as never feeling good?

(sorry, but please try and see the relationship angle - is there an issue?)

the relationship issue is that you are having penetrative sex despite pain and that your partner is just wanking himself off while you lay there in shame after weeing yourself. Could you enjoy anything while your partner winced in pain?

The other issue you need to see your doctor about

@morphene because he enjoys it?

I actually thought sex was sometimes painful for a lot of women but maybe that thinking is wrong.

Firstly stop with any activity that is causing pain. If your partner objects to this he needs dumping pronto. A decent partner does not want you to be in pain. There is more to sex than penis in vagina (PIV)
Secondly yes, discuss this with your therapist. The shame and embarrassment are not normal responses and your whole attitude to your relationship, your sex life and the problems you are experiencing seem to be linked to the abuse you have suffered and so should be definitely up for inclusion in therapy.
Thirdly look after yourself.

Ziggy 💐
Find a new partner Sweet.

I'm glad you reposted and I hope you get more support here (and Fanny how about you back off on OP now, she's clearly vulnerable and more to this board to stop posts like yours!)

OP, talk here if you want to. It's perfectly reasonable to get support here and from your therapist. You don't have to tell your therapist about the sex part but maybe more about the relationship?

I know you might not have had positive relationships in your life, but love it's really not normal that he would carry on wanking when you're clearly feeling so horrible. That's a really really horrible thing for him to do. Does he treat you well at all?

No, sex is not usually painful for women, and you shouldn't expect it to be. It's actually quite sad that your partner is aware that it's painful and yet wants to do it regardless. If I ever feel slightly uncomfortable during sex DH wants to change position or stop, he doesn't want to carry on.

I should add it wasn't like that with my ex and I also thought it was normal/okay for it to be painful for some time but I now know that this wasn't right.

It's also okay just to not have sex if you don't want to and you don't enjoy it. If it is something you would like to find out if you can enjoy that might be something you could explore e.g. with sex therapy - but I don't think it would be a good idea to try that with your current partner.

OP have you googled for sexual health clinics in your area as an alternative to your existing GP?

Why are people rude to po she's sexually inexperienced and asking. question is that not allowed is that not what this is about she's had alot of trauma in past and asking what it could be the fact she doesn't know if it's ejaculation tells you she is young and doesn't know these things and your telling her don't ask stuff on internet maybe it's her only outside contact if you have nothing useful to say don't comment move on personally I would ask your partner why he likes it and if he says per then uve got ureself a weird one go get it checked if he says ure s squrter then nothing doctor or you can do about it but I am concerned that you don't enjoy sex so I'm wondering why you are doing it xc

What's the sex forum, huh?

I can’t post in the sex forum as I’ve not been a member for the required time.

Thank you so much for all the helpful suggestions and comments - have made an appointment with the GP practice nurse and also will discuss relationship in next therapy session.

Everything else in relationship is fine I think

Good to hear from you, I've been wondering how you're doing.

If the relationship really is good, talk to him and tell him you don't like this. If he's a good man, he will listen