Need somewhere to rant about my sister

[Timetochange72]

My sister is 9 years older than me, we weren’t particularly close when younger because of the age gap, however as we got older that gap closed really, our Mum died and although she fell out with me while Mum was ill we did become closer after she died and then us both having children brought us closer. Both our marriages fell apart and we were there for each other, but there’s been times I’ve really wanted and needed a relationship with her and she just shuts me out. A couple of years ago I moved in with my dp bought a new house and as we usually saw each other over Xmas I invited her over Boxing Day, she replied that she was going to a pantomime with our dad and her dp and then going away! Oh I thought, I wonder why we haven’t been invited, I mentioned it to Dad he must of had a word then she invited us but by then it wasn’t really possible cos of the time she chose etc. Plus I felt she was pushed into it. Our relationship went down hill then tbh! She moved house to be with her dp, who is very controlling and abusive which may to be honest be contributing to the problem. She’s never visited here in the 2 years I’ve been here and I’ve never been invited there in the nearly 2 years she’s lived there, I’ve even driven past her house though I don’t exactly know where it is we don’t live local to each other.

Then my poor Dad became ill with lung cancer, we had to speak to each other, at first she tried to push me out until I insisted on being involved. Over the course of the year we did become closer caring for our dad and after he passed away, but she was having a lot of problems with her op, we fell out because I stuck up for her once to him and that’s it she’s back to not speaking to me again. I’ve tried to build bridges but she doesn’t want to know and has just shut me out! She seems able to do this whereas I struggle I feel it’s another loss on top of my parents and I have no family now. My daughter 14 has been ill and she knows but hasn’t bothered with her either she feels let down too. I guess I’m just going to have to just get on with my life but I’m so sad about it. Does anyone else have these sort of family problems I feel alone?

I'm sorry you're going through this.

This may sound cheesy and old fashioned but have you considered writing her a letter?
Explain to her how you feel and how you want to form a relationship with her.

Chances are, if her partner is abusive, it may be him that's stopping her from contacting you.
Keep that in mind before getting too upset with her. Xx

Chances are, if her partner is abusive, it may be him that's stopping her from contacting you.

And it is problably more insidious that just a straight prohibition.

Yes I have these problems. My relationship with my sister is very problematic. I don’t feel like we are close and I feel very jealous of others who have that “best friend sister” bond. I often try but at our core we have very different morals and values. That’s why it never works beyond just being polite.

Sad isn’t it, I know that her relationship with her abusive partner as definitely had an effect on our relationship but I also know before she was with him she was always quite cold at times and could easily not bother. It’s hard at times like I’m missing dad or on his anniversary she doesn’t want to text me or anything, it’s hard when I see my dp for instance close to his family, I miss her but then again I don’t miss the fear of her going cold on me when she feels lonely like it . She’s paid to come on my hen weekend this May but I don’t know if she is still coming and I have no idea if she will come to my wedding in August either 😞

That end bit was meant to say ‘goes cold on me when she feels like’ not sure were lonely came from 🤔

I think it sounds like the abusive relationship with her partner is the reason behind this.

I was in an abusive relationship and a year into it I had virtually no contact with my friends or family because of him. If I dared to initiate contact with anyone outside of him the abuse would step up a gear and eventually I just stopped seeing them in order to stay safe. Didn't work, he would just find something else to control and beat me over.

Sadly, as my family found, there isn't a lot you can do except let her know you are always there for her. Be non judgemental, telling her he is an abusive bastard and she should leave wont make her do so until she is ready. All you can do is hope she see's him for what he is and be there for her when she does.

I think your right not a lot I can do, except let her realise herself I just don’t know. Hopefully she will come to me eventually but probably not

It's a hard one
My sister took her own life not so long ago 😢
This pain lives with me every day and doesn't get any easier
Her ex was such a controlling prick!
Put pen to paper and tell her how you feel don't leave it to late

Omg fireflame, that is so sad 😞 just shows life is too short

Yes indeed your absolutely correct there
But sometimes people just don't listen when your trying to help.
Before you know it "it's to late" 😢