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Relationships

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Original poster

Would you class sex lines as cheating?

18 replies

Laconic1985 · 08/02/2018 20:28

Ok interesting day.... had a gut wrenching feeling for months so took it upon myself to be a detective.
Found out my DH prefers to use sex lines than actually have sex with me.
Married nearly 2years together 9 with 2dc.
Epected he was gamgling a few times due to huge phone bills but just went along with what he said to keep the peace.
And now I know for sure i dont know what todo?
Tbh honest ive gained dbl my body weight since the kids n i dont spend money getting my hair of nails done so i could understand y he would look elsewhere. However i feel like ill never b what he truely wants but not sure i hav the strength to leave .

OP posts:

HoursOfFun · 08/02/2018 20:31

Oh he sounds charming
Don't blame your weight - it's irrelevant
Basically he's just developed a bad habit like so many men do with porn
I don't know if it's infidelity but it isn't attractive for sure - it makes him seem kind of sad

Original poster

Laconic1985 · 08/02/2018 20:39

Its like hes choosing it over me. For months he wont want sex n says not all men want sex all the time.
Yet it would appear he does over the phone. Caught him last weekend wen i popped home he wasnt expecting me back. He was shocked and looked guilty as hell but made oit i just startled him. Yet y are u knaked n having another shower 50mins after you had one.
Im sick of being starved of affection but at least i know why now

OP posts:

gillybeanz · 08/02/2018 21:24

Of course it's cheating as you didn't know, but there are 2 sides to this.
First of all your weight and lack of spending time and money on your appearance has nothing to do with this.
I can't tell you what to do, but for me the problem wouldn't just be the calls but the deceit. I'd be asking myself if I could trust him with other things, he's certainly not honest.

NotTheFordType · 08/02/2018 21:51

Whilst it would be lovely if our partners found us sexually attractive no matter what we looked like, it simply isn't the case.

If you now weigh double what you did before your first child (so at least 20 stone I'm guessing?) that is a massive difference and a man who found you sexually appealing at a size 12 is going to struggle with you at a size 20.

I think you need to sit down and have a very honest talk about what you both need out of the relationship.

There are a lot of options here, it's not all or nothing.

babycow38 · 08/02/2018 22:03

I agree, if my partner put on an awful lot of weight I would be putting of sex, that's just biology to me, you have to find your oh desirable, fancy them, want to be turned on by them or else what's the point? I know it's not popular but having a family with a man/women isn't why you got together in the first place, there has to be some "us" that's not to say what he is doing is okay, he needs to reconnect with you as a person and you need to find out what is driving him to get a sexual outlet elsewhere, sorry Op it's about nuturing your sexual relationship, you can't do that if you don't feel sexy and he's on phone lines, you BOTH have to make the effort.

babycow38 · 08/02/2018 22:10

Also before I get flamed, I was the one overweight, didn't look after myself properly, I didn't want sex and therefore intamcy because I didn't feel ok with myself, as soon as I started to love myself, take care of my weight became healthy I wanted intamcy with my oh and he was so happy, that's all he wanted he said just to have a close, sexual happy relationship with his partner, isn't that the key?

diddlemethis · 08/02/2018 22:18

It doesn't matter if it counts as cheating or not, it is grim, tawdry behaviour.

gillybeanz · 08/02/2018 22:59

babycow

i totally agree with you, but in that case you talk to your partner, have a heart to heart.
There's no excuse for the deceit whatever the subject matter.
If you don't have honesty and trust in a relationship what's the point.

Ragusa · 08/02/2018 23:05

In the absence of relationship issues I'd put this into the 'totally harmless hobby' category and so much better than watching misogynistic porn or using prostitutes (latter instant dismissal) ...

However this is replacing sex, lack of which is the real elephant in room here.

yetmorecrap · 09/02/2018 00:40

Ragusa, I fail to see why better than watching porn if it's real live women he is talk g to, if it's the recorded shit, it's a bit old hat and I would be alarmed at the expense too , she didn't say which it was

Original poster

Laconic1985 · 09/02/2018 11:54

Ok im size 16 and was a size 10 before !

OP posts:

Original poster

Laconic1985 · 09/02/2018 12:02

In regards to the weight im much bigger than before however hes not in shape were both over weight.
I think my pronlem is i feel decieved, the amount of money being wasted and the fact ive tried numerous things to please him sexually and to improve our intimacy.
Thanks for your thoughts and advice x

OP posts:

Charmander123 · 09/02/2018 12:16

I'd be a little pissed off but I don't think I would consider it cheating myself.
But he has lied to you and spent an awful lot of money! I think what you really need to do is sit him down and have a big heart to heart about it all. Of course let him know that you feel deceived and how it makes you feel as a woman but try and find out why he feels the need to use it .
So you put on a little bit of weights that's not an excuse for him x

hellsbellsmelons · 09/02/2018 12:18

Are you OK for money as a family?
Tell him you want the same amount of money for you as he spends on his phone calls.
Get your nails done.
Get your hair done.
Get down the gym and start living your life.
This guy is probably a porn addict. Been there and got the T-shirt.
Rather wank than have sex etc....
Do you work?
And YES it's cheating.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 09/02/2018 12:25

His behaviour is disrespectful of you as a person. I would agree this is cheating. He feels entitled to act like he does and such men do not change.

Do not stay with him out of a want of a supposed lack of strength to do so or for the sake of the children. They cannot and must not learn that a loveless marriage is their norm too.

DearMrDilkington · 09/02/2018 12:27

It probably is cheating tbh. If he was having phone sex with someone he knew in RL it would be cheating, so I don't think it's any different just because his paying for it.

Olderthanyou · 09/02/2018 14:41

I think sex lines are tacky but if you are double Your weight it's highly likely he doesn't fancy you. If you got slim again and he was still doing it that would be another matter.

AngelsSins · 09/02/2018 18:15

Well would he be ok with you having phone sex with other men?

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