My hubby and I had a good relationship and was looking for our first home together. I was at work when my husband phoned very excitedly to say his brother called and there's a property by him going up for sale in auction today. I asked what it was like and he said his brother has been in there and said its good inside from what he remembers. We had only seen it from the outside and liked the look so my husband went to the auction and won the auction.
We went to view the property and it was totally run down, black walls with mushrooms growing off them and in need of a complete gut. We did however have a nice little find - in one of the out buildings there was loads of tools, equipment, bits and bobs for maintenance and solid wood beams. We estimated that it would take 1 year to renovate the property.
We decided to try and do most of the work ourselves to try to manage the costs. Then one day when we called to visit his parents, out of the blue his father came out with "we'll sell out house and the four of us will move in with you (mother and father in law, and mother-in-laws two sisters). We will give you the money so you can decorate two bedrooms to our taste". I was shocked - where did this come from. So, I replied calmly " we have loads of work to do before it will be in a liveable condition and we have bought it as our family home sorry". the mother-in-law even mentioned that I should give up work and look after them! I replied that I had worked hard and studied many year at Uni to get where I am and don't intend to just give it up.
Then his brother would call him up say that he noticed we had hinges in our outbuilding and he needs some for his gate - can he have them. Ok my husband would say.
We started getting in building materials to work on the property. His brother would call, I need a few buckets of sand. My husband would give it to him.
Next thing the mother in law was complaining that she wants her bathroom done. The brother would call him and say mum and dad want their bathroom done. They want a full gut, new floors, ceiling and tiled top to bottom with new bathroom suite. They went away and my husband spent 3 weeks doing it top to bottom.
We tried to do a bit more work up our house then and had new plaster boards in to start boarding. His brother called him when I was in the car with him. I need some plaster boards, only one he said. We're aren't up the house my husband replied. When he was off the phone I said that his brother should be buying what he needs for his own house, just like we have had to buy what we need for our house. I was told to shut up, he only wants a plaster board.
His brother calls him. We'll have to look at dads guttering. He said that waters coming over from it. They went and cleaned it.
Then his brother phoned "I want to borrow that saw in your outbuilding". My husband said Ok, but you will need to get a new blade for it. What? I have to get a new blade for it? he brother said. Yes, the blade on it is no good my husband replied.
Then I went to go in the out building and realised a amount of beams we had really gone down. I mentioned to my husband that some beams have gone missing. He said no my brothers had three of them. I was disappointed as it seemed his brother was using us for what he could get from us to do his own property up and that my husband hadn't even mentioned that his brother had some of the beams to me.
Bit by bit we tried to work on our property but found it hard with all the demands.
His brother called him " Dads roof his leaking, we'll have to sort it". They went and done that.
I went into our outbuilding and it was full of wood. I was told its his brothers, his brothers friend and some for us. This was not discussed with me. It felt like I put my whole life savings into this property that his brother was treating like his and I had no say in it.
We went to call in his parents and they wasn't there which was odd. My husband called their mobile and his parents, sisters and brothers were all out having a meal for mothers day. None of them had mentioned this to us or invited us. Oh we thought you would be busy they said. I thought to myself 'that's really mean, to leave us out - they don't think that we are too busy when they want something done.
My poor husband felt the stressed with the demands on him and with a job it was all too much for him. He had a breakdown and had to give up his job.
There was demand after demand:
New wooden floor in the conservatory
New kitchen tops
New decking outside
New fencing outside
Clean all rubbish from their shed and take up tip.
I had enough, our house wasn't getting done and it felt like they were making one demand after another to stop us getting it done. I was disgusted that they never appreciated how ill their son was. I told him that he would need to say something to them.
His brother wanted him to fit a new back door for them. He went and done it, and I had enough of paying two set of house bills when all this was happening. I packed his stuff and as he pulled up outside our house. I handed his clothes to him and told him enough was enough. You are joking he said. He returned later that night banging the door until I left him back in - didn't want it up-setting our child. He said he had been up his brothers and he couldn't believe that I chucked him out.
We went on holiday before I started a new job, had a fantastic time together with nobody interfering in our life. When we got back I found out I was pregnant and we were thrilled. On holiday my husband had bought a present for his parents so we called in to give it to them. We sat down and his father asked how the holiday went? Great we said. He father then came out with " I'm going to do everything I can to make sure you too have no time for each other!" I was disappointed that my husband said nothing. His father said to him "you can get out there, I want a new roof and you are doing it!" I'm not a roofer my husband replied " I don't care - you are doing it!" said his father aggressively. And I've got a new car coming with your name on the insurance so you can take me everywhere I want to go his father shouted at him. His mother then came him and looked at the gift. what's that she ask? for you - I don't like it she said - making a joke of it at the same time. We left and I felt up-set that his father had blatantly stipulated what they were up to and said nothing. I took my wedding rings, my husband shouted at me telling me his father didn't mean it.
We tried to ignore what had been said and act normal, continuing to visit them, etc.
His fathers car came and I would get home from work to find my husband was driving his father around.
I couple of weeks later the baby's heart stopped and I miscarried at approx. 12 weeks.
We went to call to his parents and again they wasn't there. When he called them, his parents, sisters, brother and partners had all gone away on holidays and never even mentioned this to us. I was disgusted by how they treated my husband, not to invite him and for him to be the only one of them left out.
His father returned from holiday and died that night. And I feel upset by how this hurt my husband - he never got the chance to spend that holiday with his father like all the rest of his family did - nor did he get that chance to say good bye.
I'm struggling to make sense of all this.