Left my girlfriend after she pulled knife on me, haven’t told her I’m not coming back

[caketree93]

I (24f) have been with my gf (27f) for about a year and a bit. Things have always been rocky between us (lying, cheating on her part). We got back together after a break because she overdosed and I ran to the rescue. Since then she has been increasingly convinced I was the love of her life. She has told me she wants to propose and has said if I leave she will kill herself. Aside from all this drama, she is just lazy in the relationship. Everything she says she will do gets done months after it should be done. We live together, and I do a majority of the housework. All we have done for weeks and weeks is watch Netflix and smoke weed with her friend.

So then the other night we were with our other friend, she drinks the majority of a bottle of wine then launches into a rant about how intellectuals like myself and all my studies and the exams I’m preparing for are a waste of time and I’m an idiot and a hypocrite for doing them. I was upset , I repeatedly asked her to speak in a more calm tone of voice and said it was upsetting to hear her speak so badly about me. SHe was cutting something at the time, starts sharpening the knives and then suddenly turns to me with the knife in her hand making really aggressive gestures and moving towards me. I asked her three times to put it down, backed behind and wall and thankfully her other male friend arrived. I didn’t speak for three days, then made out as if it was blown over for a few days, then booked a flight home justified by a fake family emergency. She said I was mad to think She would really stab me, then it was that she thought it was a side effect of a medicine she took(impossible). She recognizes she crossed a line but takes no responsibility to do counseling or meditation or even to just accept that she acted out of anger and it could have been very dangerous for me

Now I feel bad because I haven’t done the proper breakup in person. When I finally do breakup, it will be over the phone and I feel bad I’ve been so dishonest, but I feel like it’s the only way to make it stop without me or someone else getting injured

I dunno, some advice or words of wisdom would be good

Tbh I wouldn't even bother telling her,but that's just me

She doesn't know where you are back home does she?I mean do you think she would just turn up ?

You could text her then block her.

She sounds like bad news.

If anyone has been dishonest here its her and your relationship here has been rocky too from the beginning. You've walked away for your own safety and you do not owe this person any further explanation. You do not have to see her ever again and nor should you under any circumstances. Rebuild your life without her in it and consider counselling so that you better recognise red flags in relationships going forward. Your boundaries seem to have been too low to date and these need further reinforcement.

Its not your fault she is like this, you did not make her the ways she is now.

You did exactly the right thing sneaking off. Someone volatile like that is a liability and things may well have escalated if you'd tried to tell her. You have done nothing wrong, she showed you who she was and you listened. Don't beat yourself up - congratulate yourself for being so decisive.

Good luck with the rest of your studies and hope you meet someone nicer when you're ready!

I don’t think you need to feel bad about not having the break up conversation in person at all. This is not a healthy relationship and she has acted appallingly.
You need to do what is best for you and imo leaving this relationship sounds like the best thing to do.
Her threats of suicide if you leave are a means, I think, to control you. Please don’t be swayed by this.
If I were you, I’d explain that the time apart has made you realise that this relationship is not working for you and that you won’t be coming back to the home or to her. I would be firm and disengage from her by blocking her number for a while at least afterwards.

I don’t think i would bother telling her tbh. I’d just block her number and carry on with my life

She threatened you with a knife, I think she’d have to be bloody thick to not work out why you just don’t go back

All we have done for weeks and weeks is watch Netflix and smoke weed with her friend

Do none of you work or anything? The smoking weed thing will not be helping the situation.

TBH, I think you have had a lucky escape. I would not be going back, nor would I bother calling her. A quick text to say it's over and you will no be returning and then block her number.

Get your head down with the studies and exams and forget about her. You are worth a lot more than that and clearly have a bright future ahead of you.

I recently left my job to finish my exams , she works as a care assistant so her hours are all over the place and she has a lot of free time. I like smoking but for me it’s more of a special occasion activity, but the house is so small I had nowhere else to go in the evenings and she got mad if I was studying rather than hanging out with her

Blimey, I'm not sure I'd want her caring for me if she's smoking weed and brandishing a knife. She sounds a bit of a nut job, and I sense probably quite jealous of you and your studies.

Has she bothered contacting you to say sorry or ask when you are going back?

You owe her nothing. She brandished a knife at you, twisted things and made out like you were the mad one for thinking she would harm you.

Do you have somewhere to stay, can you stay with the family you went to see? Please don't go back, she sound unhinged.

Stop the smoking, it wont be helping anything. It adds to paranoia and depression.

Please do not feel guilty about not finishing with her in person!!! She sounds quite unstable and dangerous. I'm not usually someone who recommends breaking up by phone or text, but in this case I think it is justified (and safer!) Good luck, hope you're doing OK.

You're well rid. Does she know where your family live?

Block her on SM...perhaps deactivate FB for a while...as she'll only make a fake profile.

Don't bother to contact her again. She's a loose cannon and violent. She's dangerous.

Definitely don't end it face to face.
By text, in situation, is the safest option.
Then block her on everything and get on with your life.
And ensure in future, any tiny red flag you spot, you end the relationship immediately.

Text: I do not want to be in a relationship with you. I do not want any contact with you.

And....block.

Crikey you've done the right thing there. I wouldn't tell her where you are or ever see her again. I'd be tempted to report her for it really.

And please tell your family.In case she decides to turn up.

Don’t worry that the break up was messy or didn’t go well or didn’t follow how breakups “should happen”. The point is you are away and safe. You don’t owe her anything.

And she was interfering with your studies? She is not even a basic friend.

You’ve made a great decision and acted on it. No need to second guess any part of it. Well done!